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Top 10 Difficulties of Being a Gay Man
Today, coming out as gay isn’t as difficult a task as it was in the past, and yet it’s still one of the difficulties that gay men “in the closet” still have to face. in this article, I will attempt to count down and discuss briefly the top 10 difficulties that face gay men.
10. Sex Education
It’s awkward enough to be in a sex education class for both girls and boys but while it is the most certain way we get to learn about the birds and the bees, as a gay kid you’d probably cringe at the thought of what to do if you were playing for the other team as your classmates crack jokes about pubic hair and STD’s. As we figure out our sexuality, we tend to explore, and by explore, I am referring to gaining “experience”. Sounds fun, but there aren’t any materials out there that teach us what to do or how to protect ourselves and we have to rely on the internet. Sure there’s gay porn but we’re bound to see some things in it that we may want to stay away from but would not know better. We have to do our own research. In addition to that, the terms in the “gay lingo” might sound confusing to someone new. Of course, during the first sexual encounter, most guys wouldn’t know what to do except take hints from a porn flick he just watched online, and just “wing it” or make it up as they go.
9.Personal Hygiene
Gay men are exposed to a lot of risk factors, health problems and diseases not discussed in any sex education book. Indeed, gay men are warned of the dangers of HIV all the time, but what if you’re a gay teenager and you are sexually active, but you are not out to your parents? You absolutely have to go to the doctor and talk about these things without having any parent in the room, and if you’ve heard about the dangers, you would really have to talk to your doctor or you might die. You would have to do a routine anal pap smear because as a gay man, you are 17 times more likely to get anal cancer, that is if your role is a bottom. Then there’s HPV, and a whole ton of mouth diseases if you’re heavy into oral sex. Where do I even begin? You would absolutely need to learn how to take care of your body and be mindful of your personal hygiene. You wouldn’t want anything that smells bad anywhere near your mouth, or anywhere in your body for that matter.
8. Legal Documents
So you want to file tax papers, get medical insurance, apply for a credit card or get married? All legal paperwork would be a headache if your partner is of the same gender. I know of a gay couple who literally has to bring their marriage certificate everywhere they go. They told me that it’s the most convenient solution especially when they travel to places where gay marriage is unheard of, or when faced with bigotry. Ever try to book a hotel room without others giving you that look of disgust or they just snicker and giggle? Or try going to a hospital and see the nurse’s reaction when she asks for the spouse, and you have to explain that you’re a gay couple. Some companies even charge more for services they would normally provide for a straight couple.
7. Coming Out
If you thought that coming out was a one-time thing and you’re out your whole life, you’re wrong. As we move forward, we meet new people all the time, and coming out proves to be difficult most of the time especially when bigotry shows it’s ugly head. There is no safe place for you, where you can be sure that the person you’re talking to will surely be accepting, or open-minded enough to accept you and not act all shocked because of what you just said. Since society’s norm is being straight, usually, the first thing that comes to people’s minds when you mention you’re gay is your sex life. You either ignore it or try to explain politely and correctly informing them, which in many cases is a rather difficult thing to do, and may just ruin the conversation or provoke an assault either physical or verbal towards you, even if you are trying your best to be polite. Coming out is something you do almost all the time, during weddings, funerals, birthdays, or any other given situation where social interaction is required. Especially at weddings, when everyone is asking when you’ll get married and who is this nice-looking gentleman you’re with. You have to watch your pronoun genders and look at people’s faces, trying to see who is accepting and who are disgusted by what you just said. Then, there are the usual questions that follow, like “how did you know you were gay? When did it happen? Have you had gay sex before?”Some people would even try to set you up with a girl, saying that they only mean well, that you should try it out and see how you feel about it. Now try to imagine coming out as bisexual. There is something about admitting that you find the vagina and the penis equally appealing, and a large percentage of people would put you in the gay category instantly.6. Going to Church
For atheists, this might not apply, but there is a huge percentage of Catholic, Christian, or of similar faith homosexuals who go to their respective churches and attend mass every Sunday, or whichever day of the week their religion has set as Holy. I had a transsexual friend who walked out of the church in the middle of the sermon when the priest started preaching about homosexuality being an abomination, that God never intended a man to lay with another man, et cetera, et cetera. We’ve all heard this before. And you can only imagine the look that these faithful church-goers gave my friend when they saw her walking out of the church as the priest blasted homosexuality on the microphone. My transsexual friend told me that she believed in God, but she also believed that God loves everyone equally, regardless of sexual orientation. Personally, I would prefer to believe in her God than the version of God that the priest preaches about.5. Parents
I have a few friends who have known they were gay since they were 10 years old but never admitted it to their parents because they are certain that it would disappoint them, especially if they are an only child. It would shatter the hopes and dreams of their parents having a grandchild. To resolve this, they find a lesbian who is willing to go through a fake marriage. I was surprised to see a wedding invitation from my gay friend 3 months ago. I thought to myself, is he going to marry his long-time boyfriend? And to my surprise, when I opened the envelope, there was a picture of him and some girl I’ve never seen before. During the pre-wedding dinner, I saw his boyfriend and his “fiance’s” girlfriend at the same table. They pretended that everything was normal, pictures were taken, dinner was served, and there was no conversation about his sexuality, even though about 80 percent of the attendees were gay. After the marriage, they part ways and live their own lives again. There are some gay men though, who have to go through with making a baby for their parents’ satisfaction.
4. Discrimination
Yes, it still exists. A lot of gay men who apply for a job are not employed because of their sexuality, even though they are highly qualified. Then there are the movements who continue to assault the gay community and literally want us dead. At the office, when people are divided into gender groups, it’s the most awkward thing for a transsexual or an openly gay cross-dresser. Although many people today are learning to accept homosexuality, there is still a big percentage of those who are just “pretending” to accept it just because everybody else does, but deep inside that person’s mind resides disgust. There are still government officials who push laws against homosexuality. There are still many countries known for their people beating up other people up just because they are gay.
3. Bullying
There are plenty of reasons why a child is bullied, but the worst just might be because of his sexual orientation. I’ve had classmates from when I was 7 years old who have been bullied until we were 16 just because they were gay. Imagine going to the same school year after year being bullied for almost ten years. Imagine being slammed into the lockers, played pranks on, coming home with your uniform wet with soda, being spit on, called names, you name it. But these are the strongest people I know. They’ve held on and most of these guys I knew from elementary and high school are now successful people. A few weeks ago, I read about this 8-year-old boy who came out to his mom as gay, and his mom smiled and hugged him, and told him that it’s okay and that she loves him no matter what. The kid got so excited that day that when he went to school, he proceeded with telling his classmates that he was gay, hoping it would elicit the same reaction he got from his mother. Unfortunately, his classmates were less accepting. They began to call him names, they bullied him and made him cry, to the point that he decided to end his life. Imagine, and 8-year-old boy committing suicide because of bullying. It’s a serious issue, and if you know someone who is being bullied for any reason, be a friend and help.2. Rejection
It’s bad enough to be discriminated against when applying for a job and they don’t pick you because you’re gay, but rejection, believe it or not, also exists within the gay community itself. Sure, everyone wants to be accepted, but the world’s perception of the gay man is a lean or well-built muscular guy, which leads to various problems like drug addiction, steroid abuse, and eating disorders, and gay men have to go through all of this just to be accepted more by other gay men especially on dating apps like Grindr. Surely you might say that everyone has preferences, and most gay men would prefer a muscled beefcake over a dad bod, but sometimes it’s just the way of rejection that discourages someone enough to drive himself into thinking of changing himself drastically by any means just to not get rejected again, even if it means starving himself to death or injecting steroids and hitting the gym 7 days a week just to get that well-chiseled physique that nobody can say no to. This is when the saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” comes into play, but sometimes, even that isn’t enough.
1. AIDS / HIV
It was the dreaded disease of the past decades, and it still is, because there is still no cure, as of the date of writing this article. Although the treatment for HIV is now more convenient with just one pill a day so it doesn’t incubate into full-blown AIDS, the disease should not be taken lightly. This is the main misconception. With the advancement in medical technology, and the knowledge that HIV can be controlled and an infected person can still live a full long life, more and younger gay people do not use protection. What’s even worse is that aside from the straight community, the gay community itself is also stigmatizing AIDS/HIV, which leaves the HIV positive young men nowhere to run. In April 2018, a promising HIV cure has been developed by a university in Hong Kong, which has proven to be effective in completely eliminating the HIV virus from infected mice, and the next stage of trials would be with larger mammals such as monkeys. It would still take a few years for human trials to even begin, and imagine the red tape and politics that it would go through from pharmaceutical companies and governments who profit off other treatment methods for HIV. It would probably cost you an arm and a leg to get that cure. The best thing for us to do is protect ourselves and prevent the spread of this disease. Use condoms, and read about PrEP.
In closing, I would like to reiterate that indeed, things are better for the gay man today than they were in the past, but our struggles are not over. We keep fighting every day, trying to be accepted and understood better by a world that has just recently opened its eyes and mind. Let our struggles of today mean something for the future generation.
Written by
Zac Madic
References links:
Rainbow Hip-Hop Night: Review
Anonymous review.
This is my first entry for LalaSZ blog post so please be gentle!
Last Saturday, I joined the Rainbow party at Luna. I arrived at around 9.30pm and was a little nervous as I didn’t know anyone as I’m ‘fresh off the boat’.
I’d seen the advertisement for the party in a group called EveryGays, that a friend had put me in too.
Upon arrival, I noticed that it was a little quiet but the party organizers introduced themselves as well as a few people that they were stood with.
After getting a drink from the bar, I went to join a table that had only a few people on and decided to bite the bullet and strike up a conversation with them. I’m so glad I did because they had also come alone and were very friendly.
As the night went on, more and more people started to arrive. By midnight, I’d guess that there were about a hundred people there.
There was a raffle draw for a bottle of Grey Goose and some T-shirts but sadly, I didn’t win.
If I had to say something negative about the party, I would say that the further into the night it got, the smokier the venue became.
Overall, I had a great time and am looking forward to the next party. I’ve already met up with some new friends that I made and plan to meet up with a few more very soon!
Few photos of the night!
Shenzhen Nightlife; A Gay Man’s Insight
Its almost unbelievable that being gay was considered crime until 1997 and as a mental illness in China, and only in 2001 that they took it off the list. China is known for being almost crime-free due to the absence of guns, and no homophobic-related crimes have been heard of especially in recent years. Fast forward to 2018, Shenzhen is no exception, as it is a city bustling with life and thousands of establishments catered for foreigners and Chinese alike. Since it’s an industrial city, people from all over China and all over the world come here to do business or work, and sometimes pleasure.
Due to the influence of western media, China has become more open and accepting of homosexuals. The younger generation seems to be more open and accepting, regardless of a person’s sexual orientation. This is why there are many bars and venues which are focused on western culture, which means they are accepting and open to gays in general.
Gay-friendly venues aren’t hard to find around the city, especially in Nanshan and Futian, although some are also found in the Luohu area. Much like Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou, the Shenzhen gay scene is alive and well, but not too active at the moment. Places like health saunas for gay people are not very popular and are often given negative reviews for being unsafe and unsanitary. I would recommend going to Hong Kong instead if you fancy these places. Gay bars are often boring, with the people flocking to the stage when the male dancers come out, then go back to their seats after the show. Unless it’s a special theme night with a sponsoring group and special shows, men would just usually sit around talking and bobbing their head to the music occasionally.
In my honest opinion, I’ve had better experiences visiting gay-friendly bars and mingling with both locals and foreigners who are surprisingly friendly. I particularly like O-Garden, Bang Club and Pepper in Coco Park, because of the friendly atmosphere and the lively music. O-Garden plays some deep house tunes which you can shake your booty too and sometimes sing along with as well. Their music isn’t too loud, which is good because you can actually have a conversation while drinking. It’s not fist-pumping music, but it’s great when you just wanna shake a little bit and feel sexy. They have theme nights as well, and the staff is friendly and some of them can speak English. Pepper club plays more of the current popular music, as with most bars in the city. It has a decent dance floor, and some popular local and international DJ acts have performed there. Bang Club has three theme nights per week, a mix of 70’s, 80’s and 90’s music every Monday night for the nostalgic. Wednesdays are Latin music nights, and Thursdays are Latin, Caribbean and African music.
There are other bars you’d pass by as you walk through this area, like Baron, EDEN, Mojo, and Sicilia. I would dare say I haven’t been to a bar in this area that wasn’t gay-friendly, so you’re safe to patronize any of these establishments. Do watch out for special theme nights for the LGBT community. Yes, Shenzhen has an active LGBT community. Although the active Saturgays group have recently halted activities, the people behind it continue to come up with LGBT parties and fun gatherings. Shenzhen also has Pandora Parties, an LGBT-friendly party group which has recently celebrated its three years of bringing people from all walks of life together in the form of private house parties, private hotel parties, pool parties, and other special events, in which everyone is welcome.
Shekou and Luohu also have their line-up of gay-friendly places. Crazy bar has been well-known for a good 10 years, O-nana is one of the more popular venues for special themed gay parties, of course since it is a gay bar with some of the sexiest and raunchiest Chinese male dancers who perform every night. Then there’s Lili Marleen just below KK Mall, which boasts of loud and popular new music and a line-up of fine local DJ’s. Muse bar, or more popularly known as S-Muse is also gay-friendly, along with Papaya and M1 bar, which plays popular current EDM and offers free drinks to foreigners all night.
The continuing support and efforts of foreigners and locals alike have made it possible for gay men to enjoy being themselves in this city without fear of prejudice. China is moving forward and maturing into an open-minded and accepting country slowly but surely.
Though this isn’t much of a review but rather a summary of the gay-friendly locations, I hope that you enjoyed reading it nonetheless. I’m looking forward to more activities and events in the LGBT community here in Shenzhen.
Written by
Zac Madic
(Barhopper, tinkerer, cook, music freak and time traveler).
Rainbow presents: Hip-Hop Night
Rock, paper… Rainbow!
Rainbow Movement is back and with a new party, HIP-HOP night at Luna Bar is on Saturday, September 22nd. If you are one of our followers or new in town you should come and Have the change to meet new people.
Luna BAR
This Bar has been in Shekou for a while, it is one of the original places to go, I should know I used to be a regular, you can find an amazing brunch Sunday morning, with a friendly staff and good service this place is starting to open more and more to the community, They will host our LGBT+ Party
Specials for the night:
- 6 Tequila Shots 150 RMB
- Rum & Coke 35 RMB
- Gin & Tonic 35 RMB
Wing a bottle of Grey Goose!
Address: Address: 1 Kangle Lu, G/F Fuzhon Hotel, Shekou Shuiwan Metro Station Exit D / 地址: LUNA酒吧南山招商街道康乐路1-1号水湾地铁站D出口
Below you can find our Qr Code for Payment
Top 5 “Unofficial” LGBT+ friendly places in Shenzhen
Hello Lalas! I am back, I know I said that a lot, with a new “unofficial” top! if you don´t know what I am talking about you should check out my first post: The 7 gay-friendly “Unofficial” destinations to travel in China, and to keep the tradition going I will go now for the top 7 unofficial LGBT+ in Shenzhen!
- O´Garden or 后花园清吧
A nightclub right in the middle of the most important financial district in Shenzhen, Futian, is a club in a rooftop with great music and many specials, easy access by metro and fair prices. It is popular the ladies night on Wednesdays where a lot of people from the LGBT+ community feel comfortable and go to a party when there are no official events.
Address: No. 138, Min Tian Rd, Futian District, Shenzhen, Metro station Shopping Park Exit B 深圳市福田区民田路138号购物公园,
2. Bang Club or 邦酒吧
This is a club you don´t want to miss especially on Mondays, yes you heard right, Mondays! Also in the center of Futian District. Bang Club just as O`Garden are in the same area so you can always enjoy both locations.
Address: 138, Block B, North of Shopping Park, Min Tian Lu, by Fuhua Yi LuMetro station Shopping Park Exit B 深圳市福田区民田路购物公园北园B区138号
3. Evil-Duck
This Bar has some of the best craft beers in Shenzhen if you are a fan of a chill environment, good food, and especially good beer, this is the right place for you. It was a sponsor for PRIDE 2018, another place for your check out list
Address: No.21 Shuiwei 5th Street, Futian District, Shenzhen, China 福田区水围五街21号76栋
4. BOA Bar Restaurant
This club and Lounge is relatively new in the Shekou area, with a mix of good Japanese food and music you may also be surprised that this particular place offers occasionally LGBT+ Friendly parties.
Address: 3/F, West side of International Bar Street, Sea World, Shekou, Nanshan District, Seaworld Metro Stop 南山区蛇口海上世界国际酒吧街西侧三楼
5. Luna Bar
This Bar has been a while in Shekou, it is one of the original places to go, I should know I used to be a regular, you can find an amazing brunch Sunday morning, with a friendly staff and good service this place is starting to open more and more to the community, they will host the next 22nd of Sept 2018 and LGBT+ Party. This is a must for you!
Address: 1 Kangle Lu, G/F Fuzhon Hotel, ShekouShuiwan Metro Station Exit D / 地址:LUNA酒吧南山招商街道康乐路1-1号水湾地铁站D出口
I hope you liked this post! leave is a comment and don´t forget to follow us on our social media for more useful info!
Popular sex toys for Lesbians
I thought of sharing a few popular toys to make your Moanday, Tongueday, Wetday, Thirstday, Freakday, Sexday and Suckday a bit more interesting!
The harness and Dildo:
This could be great for Freakday! Make sure when you purchase this one to pick the suitable one for you and your partner!
Both penetration fans, you can use a double-sided dildo like the Feeldoe in many of the harnesses so that the wearer and the receiver are both getting what they seek. Boom.
We-Vibe Rave
The We-Vibe Rave is a high-tech vibrator with ten vibration modes and a corresponding app. Lesbian couples are very often long distance, and the Rave enables you to take Skype sex up a notch when your girlfriend downloads the app on her phone and controls the vibrator from a million miles away.
Could be good for Moanday!
Minna Ola
The Minna doesn’t have settings, it responds to your touch. The more pressure you put on the Minna, the more intense the vibration. It’s like a smartphone for your vagina.
Maybe a Thirstday!
The Water Bunny
Waterproof high quality vibrator with rabbit clit stimulator. Coated with soft
pliable silicone. When you want to be shaken inside and outside while in that warm soapy water!
Could work for Wetday!
Finger Extender
Its ergonomic design , conceived to accommodate two of your fingers, very effectively complement these. So long, your knuckles will gain strength and length novel, while control … enough to turn the head to everyone.
Sexday maybe ..
Sucker
No need to say anything about this one. Suckday it is!
For Tongueday – Being eaten out is a beautiful thing! I do not think any toy can even come close to that feeling!
All toys can be purchased online or feel free to join our LalaShenzhen WeChat group. We know of a shop here in Shenzhen were you can find interesting toys.
Lala Opinion: Representation VS visibility
Hello Lalas, I’m back and with my return, I bring a topic that may be controversial for some people but I want to open the dialogue within the community because I feel that the purpose of Representation and visualization has been diverted.
Let’s start with Scarlett Johansson, maybe everyone by listening to the name we can know who she is and what movies she has been in, which are not only Marvel movies, she is a US actress, she is the best-paid actress in Hollywood with a career in More than 20 years, not only is she a veteran in the world of acting, she is someone who has training in dance and singing, she has won 1 British Academy Film Award, 4 Film Critics Awards, 1 Gotham Independent Film Award, 1 Tony Award and others . Scarlett is also a recognized activist who has supported movements such as #Metoo, is also a recognized Feminist in favor of the equal rights of women.
Now, why have I decided to make a brief introduction about Scarlett?
You probably know that Scarlett, originally, was chosen to play the role of Dante “Tex” Grill, in “Rub & Tug”, a transsexual man from the United States who was not only a Gangster, he also owned a massage parlor and died in the jail.
The news that Scarlett was chosen to interpret, in a biographical film, a transsexual man was not well received by the community. Why? Scarlett is a woman and is heterosexual, it is not the first time that she is involved in the controversy since previously it happened with her movie “Ghost in the Shell” even though in the original comic the character is a robot that is not specified to have Asian features and besides everything is internationally known that Japanese cartoons and sleeves represent their characters with non-Asian characteristics, returning to the topic the community of transsexuals has raised its voice regarding the few opportunities for transsexual people to have leading roles in movies .
Now, for me this topic was confusing and I had to talk to different people to understand the point of view of transsexual people and I want to think that I understood that what the transsexual community looks for are two things “Visualization and Representation” and it is something that everyone we should have. However, the following comes to my mind: If a transsexual man is an actor, should he only act in roles of transsexual men? Should Gay men only act in roles of gay men?
The answer is NO, and for me, it is a resounding NO because then this is a thing called “Paradox”. Gay men and women should be able to play roles based on their talent and not their sexual orientation and another question. Does not the LGBT community deserve + movies with quality performances? For me, the answer is Yes.
To talk about this I will give the example of the following: Eddie Redmayne, heterosexual, I interpret a transsexual woman in the movie “The Danish Girl”, Jaret Leto, straight and Oscar winner, I play a transsexual woman in “Dallas Buyer Club” , both actors gave quality performances that not only earned them the applause of the public but awards for the quality of their work, now let’s talk about the opposite Neil Patrick Harris, openly homosexual, is a well-known actor who has played mostly roles of heterosexual characters and what is his acting talent what has led him to be in different plays and musicals as well as being the host of the Emmys Awards and Academy Awards and is one of the 100 most influential people in the world of entertainment.
What is the problem with Scarlett then ?, I personally do not see any problem, is a quality actress, recognized and that would have given much more visualization and representation to a topic that is still making its way, as Heath Ledger did in Brokeback Mountain.
Now, let’s learn a little about the most popular Lala, at the moment, in the world: Ruby Rose.
Ruby Rose, is a DJ, model, TV presenter, and actress. She is from Australia and became famous after work as a presenter on MTV Australia. Ruby Rose began her career as an actress in 2008, 10 years of career, in a film called Suite for Fleur, was in two seasons of Orange is the New Black and had appearances in films like: Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, XXX : Return of Xander Cage, John Wick Chapter 2, Pitch Perfect 3 and The Meg.
His career has been short and with little presence to show his acting ability, personally, I think he is a person who does not stop being the eternal model beautiful, with tattoos and sexually fluid but maybe it is because he has not yet reached the role that Allows showing your acting ability. Why do I talk about Ruby Rose?
Ruby Rose has been chosen to be Batwoman, iconic character in DC comics, openly lesbian and badass, the series belongs to The CW who is already known for its different series based on DC Comics characters.
Here I will give my personal opinion, not as an expert in film that I am not, but as a great fan of comics that I have been since I was very small: Ruby Rose is beautiful, I do not know her but surely it must be super fun hanging out with her but she is not a good actress and her flat way of interpreting in each movie or series that I have seen has left me with a bad taste in the mouth as to how Batwoman will perform and it is here where I think we are sacrificing acting quality.
There is a huge list of openly LGBT + actresses who have acting quality but there are also a lot of acting heterosexual actresses who could represent Batwoman and make it iconic (Xena of Lucy, anyone?)
Anyway! This is my opinion, let me know what you think by leaving a comment. Follow our blog and as they say out there
Rock, paper, Lalas!
