Have you ever felt like you are the only Lala out there (specially if you live in China)?, I felt it like most of the time the first few years, I came to china in 2009 and I arrived to the city of Hangzhou a place full of traditions and little foreign community, a place where the locals ask two basic questions when the first meet you: 1. How much money do you make? 2. Would you like a Chinese boyfriend?, If I had a dollar for every time I had to reply those two questions I would have probably bought a fancy watch, it is also common knowledge that China does not accept LGTB+ community, at least not so much 8 years ago, so meeting Lala girls foreigners or Chinese was really hard, the western girls were only looking for tall European guys or latin guys and the Chinese girls were into the western boy.
And there I was, 24 years old and single but I was feeling like the only girl in the world (I am listing to Rihanna right now)! It was after the first six months in China that I understood an effective way (or one I recommend) to meet girls was to be out! Really out of the closet! Being unafraid of being judge, if I Was out and honest about my sexuality there will be no misunderstanding of my intentions if I ever talk to a girl and I also decided to actively look for gay bars and I noticed the following points in my search.
- Gay bars are still underground (if it is not Beijing or Shanghai)
- You will mostly find gay guys and not Lalas
- It is going to be hard to find publicity of these places
After a little search I was able to find one bar in Hangzhou, two bars in Shanghai and one more bar in Shenzhen, back in the day it was a very small place in the Luohu area. I was able to be out there and meet few locals that were actually very shy to speak with a gay girl and wester like me, they thought I was just a weirdo, I also notice that if you meet a Chinese Lala you can find usually two kind of (not a rule)
- Very fem girl
- Tomboy girl
I personally don´t like to label myself into any stereotype but I notice those very obvios styles, in a City as Shenzhen you will see those girls walking down the street, the subway or any regular place, it is more and more open to spot them (if you have the gay dar), I did try to date a local girl but me as a Latina woman as I am it was very hard to communicate my likes and dislikes, so after two fail tries I went on looking for those western girls that seems to be only one kind: The straight kind!
This was one of the most difficult things for me, how do I meet other foreign lala girls?, I just couldn’t really be so sure about it until one day out of the blue I met that amazingly cute german girl that spotted me in a club, she invited me over to a party and without me planing it we were dating for few months (ah yes people is temporary in China but that will be for another post!) before I move to Shenzhen and she move back to Germany, I did ask her: How did you know? How did you know I was also a lost lala girl?. And she said people told me, once more, it was me being open about my sexuality and my life that got me a date, I became more and more confident about telling people around me.
But if you say, hey, I am confident and open but I still cannot spot them, well after few years I have learn to notice few things and I hope they will help you to find them!
How to spot a foreign lala girl?
- They were flip flops! (Not pink!)
- Jeans with holes or shorts (specially in summer)
- They love t-shirts (Rock and Roll)
- They love ponytails if they don’t have the hair short
- Baseball caps! (probably this is the less common one)
- They drink beer (from the bottle!)
- Shirts with squares (I love those!)
- They play guitar (it is like the un-offical lala instrument)
- They do Yoga (I still don´t know why)
- They are usually teachers (For those in Shenzhen)
- Play soccer or do some kind exercise
Just be careful because you can find that straight girl that can have all those things I just mentioned but the ultimate test is: Invite her to a gay party! (We have Saturgays now in Shenzhen -we will have also another post for it-)
As I mencione before there are no rules to this thing, I have lots of lala friends and they are super fem or not so much and this is not link to their sexuality, and you know what also works (after make them feel comfortable)? You can simply ask!
For me I always start with jokes! Because there is nothing as making a woman laugh !
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