“In the first_ hook and verse we hear a person at the end of their rope who has called the suicide hotline. Plain and simply; they are ready to commit suicide, feeling they have nowhere else to turn and are expressing the reasons why they wish to commit this act. In the second verse we then hear words from the perspective of the hotline operator who in turn gives them many reasons to keep on fighting for their life. Expressing that this act is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. On the final hook we then hear the caller express their new lease on life and outlook on a life that they thought was over but had actually been far from it all along.”
This might be a little different from all my previous posts, but I came across the song that I’ve been listening over and over and literally feeling the pain from each verse. I didn’t know how to react after a tear ran down my cheek when the song finally stopped. I decided to write something since I knew I also went through a stage in my life were I felt all alone in such a big place, judgements and pranks all around me, disappointing parents and that might hurt the most. Being all alone after you just tried being yourself.
Out of all the lyrics in the song I can’t point out one single verse that meant more than the rest, since every single word touched me.
I still remember in the beginning as I also mentioned in a previous post “how afraid I were by coming out, friends and family I will lose, judgements and loneliness” but I never quite went into it that deep or actually realized it until I heard this song. I do know, people aren’t the same and everyone deal with this situation differently, I told my friend today;
“This song quite showed me more and I do feel since the song is about two guys that it may be harder. Going to bars, clubs, events guys and girls cheer if two girls kiss or either just do it for fun but do guys do that? They are being judged as soon as they walk into a place by some people or just simply being kicked out, don’t get me wrong, it might happen to girls too, still everyone will handle it differently depending on their personality.”
I were lucky enough for being accepted by my family, well half since the other half doesn’t even know yet “well we don’t talk” and the friends that I could count on one hand that accepted me for who I am.
I’ve been judged, I fell apart, people told me that I’m not enough and left me with a broken heart, they fooled me and left me scared, words running through my mind over and over that they yelled behind my back, I couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t want to stand up, never felt this hard, I turned to liquor, I partied, I had no respect for myself, I was falling apart and I could feel every little piece hitting the ground and it’s killing me, but I don’t mind if I fall apart. There’s more room in a broken heart.
I don’t regret feeling like that, I don’t regret crying until I couldn’t see through my eyes anymore, being told I’m going against my believes “my believes or yours?” “my dreams or yours?”. It taught me what I needed to know, it showed me how to grow and how to love myself more. I’m thankful for people who stepped on me and kicked me while I were down, it made me realized I never wanted to be like that.
People come to me and ask; “Why do you still talk to them?” “Why do you help her?” “What, they are on your social media still?” “Why don’t you hate them?” “Why…”
Well, I don’t have an answer to all your questions but I do know how it feels to be judges, I do know how it feels getting messages saying how bad you are, I do know how it feels being kicked when you did nothing wrong, I do know what it feels like being left alone, I do know what it feels like being on a low and feeling like my life ain’t mine but I finally wanted to live, I don’t want to die and I will always be there for ones in need, I will always have your back no matter what you did to me because I knew you will go through the same one day and I know off people who did, they kicked me while I were down and look today_ they are dating someone of the same sex and back then they laughed at me.
This is for the ones out there who can’t see tomorrow, who’s on the ground and has no one to pick them up, the ones who’s fighting to be the real “you”. This won’t last forever, you are staring at a blank wall right now, start thinking bigger, you won’t be in this position for the rest of your life, make that blank wall a piece of art and be proud of yourself; the rest will follow.
This is for the ones who are out-going, loud, has an attitude, come forward as the bravest, big ego_ somewhere deep inside you have already found yourself and are the person you wanted to be or you are doing everything to hide the things that hurt you most. Being someone you aren’t is much worse than being judge and kicked.
This is for the ones who fought the fight, who came out to the top but never stopped going forward, who fell in love with their life, you did it, you are alive!I don’t wanna be alive
I just wanna die You don’t gotta die today
I don’t wanna be alive I want you to be alive
And let me tell you why Now lemme tell you why
Name of the song:
Logic – 1-800-273-8255 ft. Alessia Cara, Khalid