The importance of Having a Gay Best Friend (When You’re Gay)

“When you’re gay, your friends are your family.” -Quote from a youtube video about the L-Word


Ryn and I met because we had the same tooth-brushing schedule in the dorm bathroom. I was 19 and she was 18 when we moved into the same building. Every morning, that first week of fall semester, we would arrive to the bathroom at the same time, just the two of us. We’d brush our teeth for a full two minutes, floss, and depart. Then in the evening the same thing would happen again.

Finally one morning she joked, “I think you’re following me.”

I looked her dead in the eyes and said “No, I think you are following me.” She didn’t know me yet so she had no idea I was kidding. The next day though, she was brave enough to say:

“Well I think the universe is telling us we should be friends.” And that’s how I found my gay best friend.

We can’t remember a time that we explicitly came to to each other. We understood each other and nothing in our friendship ever precluded the truth that we both liked girls, despite the fact that we both had boyfriends when we met.

I remember when Ryn’s first boyfriend broke up with her, she knocked on my door, tears welling up in her eyes. Awkwardly, my first boyfriend was there in my room. It was a big deal because my boyfriend and I were long distance and rarely got to see each other (how convenient… we almost never had sex,) but when she told me what had happened nothing mattered to me except comforting her. Fuck my boyfriend, my friend needed love. And fuck her boyfriend too, for the record.

You might think, as boys at parties who make scissoring motions at us like to think, that after my boyfriend dumped me Ryn and I would fall in love and have passionate sex. Nope.

Instead we became the two best roommates you can imagine. We threw parties together, cooked for each other, traded chores, and gossiped about the new boys and girls that came into our lives. Through the years we created a little community of other queer girls. A world where we can be comfortable with who we are, and take care of each other.

All of us spend a lot of energy hoping to meet someone we can have a physical relationship. But how could we ever navigate romantic and sexual relationships without our friends? It’s so exciting to meet someone you want to fuck, especially if they want to fuck you too, but how lonely that excitement would be without someone to share it with!

If you’re a lost lala out there, in the closet, or haven’t yet found your queer friends, please trust me when I say you’re not actually alone. And in your search for love, remember to look for the person who loves and understands you. The one who will put your feelings first, above their new fling or romance, no matter how good the sex is. Of course it doesn’t really matter what their sexuality or gender is, as long as you love each other. But personally, I am so grateful for my lala bestie.

Thank you Ryn for being my “husband,” always and forever, and shout out to our other babes (you know who you are!)

Do you have a gay best friend that you will love until the end of time, but would never sleep with? Share your platonic love story in the comments!American Gothic

And remember to brush your teeth. 😉

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