No suitable topic

Ever just wondered what to write a blog about? Maybe your exciting travel life, being gay, places to go, music, to listen to or all those things our minds constantly keep thinking of while we wonder around – surrounded with a 100 other souls.

Well here’s my story …

It started off on a Monday and ends on a Tuesday , most people will have their “blue Mondays” as they call it after a crazy fun or relaxing weekend while I rather call mine “on day closer to my day off” which is on a Tuesday just for some extra information. Then again Mondays are always so LONG since I’m literally counting down the second to get into my bed, but not this one. My Monday morning started of great when everything started to go down hill that afternoon! I think being so sad that you can’t even cry is the worst to experience while you are walking to work and having to entertain 24 students that’s pumped full of energy and you don’t even have enough to cry.

You are probably all thinking what happened or maybe not, well that is a story for another day but also it’s not that hard to figure out.

I went through my day falling over a few things, walking into a few doors, wanting to text that person so bad but also keeping my head up and tears inside. Seeing my 24 little monsters made my day a little brighter and took my head and heart away from a few situations. I prayed for those 3 hours to never end since I knew I will feel exactly the same when this class end, fighting to keep my tears from rolling over my cheeks.

I went home, opening a bottle of beer, pouring it into a small class and started staring at “I can’t say 4 walls since the walls are always all over the place so i might just say” 6 walls.

It’s good to be alone, being trapped by my own feelings and dealing with them, figuring a way to solve them and not getting things to distract me. I think that’s what I always did, find a temporary solution to get not feel the pain right now and somewhere along the road it all comes swinging back to me when I least expect it, well that’s the moment you just keep on crying and don’t even know how to deal with yourself. Well, now; I’ll rather deal with the situation and cry my eyes out or be angry either one than being caught one day with all these trapped emotions.

So I sat, being trapped and thinking of how I will take on tomorrow, how will I sleep tonight, to be honest I still don’t have an answer, because I slept it took me a while but I did, I’m in “tomorrow” and I’m doing okay. So, I think I learned something new.

I always over think things and then I end up worse, when this time ” I let it be “. Yeah some will tell me think of a solution or way to fix it but also if things are meant to be then I’m sure the universe will play a role as well. (I’m that type of person)

Now I’m sitting here, writing this maybe useless blog or just finding a way to talk to myself and sharing it with the world. I don’t know, that’s why there is no suitable topic, maybe “Days of my live” or “2 Days of my live” .. I don’t know to be honest I like the “no suitable topic” since every situation will be different.

Also for some I hope this may be useful – to not find permanent solutions for temporary situations or emotions. Rather deal with whats going on now and grow in the process, get to know yourself more, how to deal with things rather than running away, I’m sure we all get tired some days and can’t always be super happy! Still I always try to see the positive outcome and not the negative.

We were given an amazing gift to be able to fall in love, break hearts, drink fake liquor, make friends, do stupid things, make mistakes and have fun. Don’t waste it by running away from emotions; it’s amazing to experience. How would we ever be able to experience being happy if we never experienced being sad, or being heartbroken ? Still I do think a heart is meant to be broken, to open up fully and you finally getting to know yourself, you will also know what real feelings are then.

 

Well that’s my story or just me answering my own questions I ask my constantly.

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