Best Apps for Picking up Girls

Honorable Mention #1: Tinder

If you’re a single Lala, I am sure you have tried Tinder. So why didn’t I ever find you? Probably because you compulsively download, delete, and re-download it due to your cycle of boredom and frustration.

Tinder is FULL of hot girls with boyfriends, looking for a unicorn. I think that’s great but I wish there could be a box to check when you’re not into couples. Not that saying you’re not into boys even works… Tinder always shows me boys anyway. So after swiping through all the unicorn hunters, my Tinder experience goes like this:

Screenshot_20170830-190934

However, due to its popularity, I still give tinder and honorable mention. If you’re looking for that wild card kind of date, or just to creep on pictures of cuties, you can always give it a go. (Just remember to be safe!)

Honorable Mention #2: Spicy/HER/Lesbian-Specific Apps

Are the girls on these even real? Where are they? In lesbian fashion, these apps don’t tend to filter based on proximity. In my experience the interfaces are not as well designed as other more mainstream apps, but again, it’s cool to look at pictures and chat with other Queerios. Who knows, maybe that girl in Seychelles will really be the one for you.

imageedit_3_3184896361

3rd Place: Mobike

Mobike+Singapore+-+1

For all my Laowai Lalas (Laolas??) I’m awarding Mobike (or Ofo, whatever you prefer between your legs) the bronze medal. Get out on that town! Keep it tight! Get your ass and legs on point!

I love biking around Shenzhen, it’s so freeing knowing I can bike as far as I want, ditch my bike, and take the subway home if I want to. Biking will get you to parts of the city you won’t discover in your usual rut. Explore your city and enjoy your single life while you can. Maybe you’ll bike up to a hidden cafe and She will be waiting for you there.

2nd Place: Wechat

Lez be honest, if you’re a Laola, Wechat is your online life. But how can you use it to meet cuties?

wechat-thing

  • Join queer groups!
  • Join activity/social groups – lots of hiking or sports groups out there that organize meetups. Then go to the meetups and add the cuties directly.
  • Add babes in the club when you’re out, you can text them in the morning and see if they want to share hangover coffee!
  • Start a group… For um, the community. Yes for the community. Definitely not just in hopes of meeting someone.
  • Keep in touch with your friends from home so they can comfort you when you find out that cute girl from last night has a boyfriend.

1st Place: Duolingo

Remember that awkward screenshot from honorable mention number two? Well I have the solution for how you can prepare to talk to hotties from around the world. Open up your options by learning a new language with Duolingo!

Duolingo is a free app that will teach you a foreign language through daily game-like exercises. It is SUCH a good use of your time! Lonely? Don’t worry, Duolingo will text you if you leave it alone too long. It cares about your progress! If you wake up in the morning without that someone special to text, Duolingo will be there for you. The setup is validating and rewarding, and honestly addictive. (Seriously, I have struggled with addiction with this app, but I have no regrets.)

Duolingo offers multiple languages of instruction as well as multiple languages to study. Most importantly, some of the languages offer a special section on flirting. Are you into Latinas? Want to learn how to say “Do you come here often?” “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” or “Are you lost, heaven is far from here!” in Spanish? Or are you more into blondes? Start doing those German lessons. Have a weakness for French accents? You know what to do!

The algorithm is extremely effective, and there’s nothing sexier than a smart, multi-lingual Lala like you!

duolingo

What are your tech tricks for picking up baes in the modern world? Share them in the comments!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s