Top 10 Difficulties of Being a Gay Man

Today, coming out as gay isn’t as difficult a task as it was in the past, and yet it’s still one of the difficulties that gay men “in the closet” still have to face. in this article, I will attempt to count down and discuss briefly the top 10 difficulties that face gay men.
10. Sex Education
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      It’s awkward enough to be in a sex education class for both girls and boys but while it is the most certain way we get to learn about the birds and the bees, as a gay kid you’d probably cringe at the thought of what to do if you were playing for the other team as your classmates crack jokes about pubic hair and STD’s. As we figure out our sexuality, we tend to explore, and by explore, I am referring to gaining “experience”. Sounds fun, but there aren’t any materials out there that teach us what to do or how to protect ourselves and we have to rely on the internet. Sure there’s gay porn but we’re bound to see some things in it that we may want to stay away from but would not know better. We have to do our own research. In addition to that, the terms in the “gay lingo” might sound confusing to someone new. Of course, during the first sexual encounter, most guys wouldn’t know what to do except take hints from a porn flick he just watched online, and just “wing it” or make it up as they go.
9.Personal Hygiene
     
     Gay men are exposed to a lot of risk factors, health problems and diseases not discussed in any sex education book. Indeed, gay men are warned of the dangers of HIV all the time, but what if you’re a gay teenager and you are sexually active, but you are not out to your parents? You absolutely have to go to the doctor and talk about these things without having any parent in the room, and if you’ve heard about the dangers, you would really have to talk to your doctor or you might die. You would have to do a routine anal pap smear because as a gay man, you are 17 times more likely to get anal cancer, that is if your role is a bottom. Then there’s HPV, and a whole ton of mouth diseases if you’re heavy into oral sex. Where do I even begin? You would absolutely need to learn how to take care of your body and be mindful of your personal hygiene. You wouldn’t want anything that smells bad anywhere near your mouth, or anywhere in your body for that matter.
8. Legal Documents
     So you want to file tax papers, get medical insurance, apply for a credit card or get married? All legal paperwork would be a headache if your partner is of the same gender. I know of a gay couple who literally has to bring their marriage certificate everywhere they go. They told me that it’s the most convenient solution especially when they travel to places where gay marriage is unheard of, or when faced with bigotry. Ever try to book a hotel room without others giving you that look of disgust or they just snicker and giggle? Or try going to a hospital and see the nurse’s reaction when she asks for the spouse, and you have to explain that you’re a gay couple. Some companies even charge more for services they would normally provide for a straight couple.
7. Coming Out
     Captura de pantalla 2018-11-06 a la(s) 09.25.31If you thought that coming out was a one-time thing and you’re out your whole life, you’re wrong. As we move forward, we meet new people all the time, and coming out proves to be difficult most of the time especially when bigotry shows it’s ugly head. There is no safe place for you, where you can be sure that the person you’re talking to will surely be accepting, or open-minded enough to accept you and not act all shocked because of what you just said. Since society’s norm is being straight, usually, the first thing that comes to people’s minds when you mention you’re gay is your sex life. You either ignore it or try to explain politely and correctly informing them, which in many cases is a rather difficult thing to do, and may just ruin the conversation or provoke an assault either physical or verbal towards you, even if you are trying your best to be polite. Coming out is something you do almost all the time, during weddings, funerals, birthdays, or any other given situation where social interaction is required. Especially at weddings, when everyone is asking when you’ll get married and who is this nice-looking gentleman you’re with. You have to watch your pronoun genders and look at people’s faces, trying to see who is accepting and who are disgusted by what you just said. Then, there are the usual questions that follow, like “how did you know you were gay? When did it happen? Have you had gay sex before?”Some people would even try to set you up with a girl, saying that they only mean well, that you should try it out and see how you feel about it. Now try to imagine coming out as bisexual. There is something about admitting that you find the vagina and the penis equally appealing, and a large percentage of people would put you in the gay category instantly.
6. Going to Church
     Captura de pantalla 2018-11-06 a la(s) 09.27.46For atheists, this might not apply, but there is a huge percentage of Catholic, Christian, or of similar faith homosexuals who go to their respective churches and attend mass every Sunday, or whichever day of the week their religion has set as Holy. I had a transsexual friend who walked out of the church in the middle of the sermon when the priest started preaching about homosexuality being an abomination, that God never intended a man to lay with another man, et cetera, et cetera. We’ve all heard this before. And you can only imagine the look that these faithful church-goers gave my friend when they saw her walking out of the church as the priest blasted homosexuality on the microphone. My transsexual friend told me that she believed in God, but she also believed that God loves everyone equally, regardless of sexual orientation. Personally, I would prefer to believe in her God than the version of God that the priest preaches about.
5.  Parents
     I have a few friends who have known they were gay since they were 10 years old but never admitted it to their parents because they are certain that it would disappoint them, especially if they are an only child. It would shatter the hopes and dreams of their parents having a grandchild. To resolve this, they find a lesbian who is willing to go through a fake marriage. I was surprised to see a wedding invitation from my gay friend 3 months ago. I thought to myself, is he going to marry his long-time boyfriend? And to my surprise, when I opened the envelope, there was a picture of him and some girl I’ve never seen before. During the pre-wedding dinner, I saw his boyfriend and his “fiance’s” girlfriend at the same table. They pretended that everything was normal, pictures were taken, dinner was served, and there was no conversation about his sexuality, even though about 80 percent of the attendees were gay. After the marriage, they part ways and live their own lives again. There are some gay men though, who have to go through with making a baby for their parents’ satisfaction.
4. Discrimination
     Yes, it still exists. A lot of gay men who apply for a job are not employed because of their sexuality, even though they are highly qualified. Then there are the movements who continue to assault the gay community and literally want us dead. At the office, when people are divided into gender groups, it’s the most awkward thing for a transsexual or an openly gay cross-dresser. Although many people today are learning to accept homosexuality, there is still a big percentage of those who are just “pretending” to accept it just because everybody else does, but deep inside that person’s mind resides disgust. There are still government officials who push laws against homosexuality. There are still many countries known for their people beating up other people up just because they are gay.
3. Bullying
     Captura de pantalla 2018-11-06 a la(s) 09.24.06There are plenty of reasons why a child is bullied, but the worst just might be because of his sexual orientation. I’ve had classmates from when I was 7 years old who have been bullied until we were 16 just because they were gay. Imagine going to the same school year after year being bullied for almost ten years. Imagine being slammed into the lockers, played pranks on, coming home with your uniform wet with soda, being spit on, called names, you name it. But these are the strongest people I know. They’ve held on and most of these guys I knew from elementary and high school are now successful people. A few weeks ago, I read about this 8-year-old boy who came out to his mom as gay, and his mom smiled and hugged him, and told him that it’s okay and that she loves him no matter what. The kid got so excited that day that when he went to school, he proceeded with telling his classmates that he was gay, hoping it would elicit the same reaction he got from his mother. Unfortunately, his classmates were less accepting. They began to call him names, they bullied him and made him cry, to the point that he decided to end his life. Imagine, and 8-year-old boy committing suicide because of bullying. It’s a serious issue, and if you know someone who is being bullied for any reason, be a friend and help.
2. Rejection
     It’s bad enough to be discriminated against when applying for a job and they don’t pick you because you’re gay, but rejection, believe it or not, also exists within the gay community itself. Sure, everyone wants to be accepted, but the world’s perception of the gay man is a lean or well-built muscular guy, which leads to various problems like drug addiction, steroid abuse, and eating disorders, and gay men have to go through all of this just to be accepted more by other gay men especially on dating apps like Grindr. Surely you might say that everyone has preferences, and most gay men would prefer a muscled beefcake over a dad bod, but sometimes it’s just the way of rejection that discourages someone enough to drive himself into thinking of changing himself drastically by any means just to not get rejected again, even if it means starving himself to death or injecting steroids and hitting the gym 7 days a week just to get that well-chiseled physique that nobody can say no to. This is when the saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” comes into play, but sometimes, even that isn’t enough.
1. AIDS / HIV
     It was the dreaded disease of the past decades, and it still is, because there is still no cure, as of the date of writing this article. Although the treatment for HIV is now more convenient with just one pill a day so it doesn’t incubate into full-blown AIDS, the disease should not be taken lightly. This is the main misconception. With the advancement in medical technology, and the knowledge that HIV can be controlled and an infected person can still live a full long life, more and younger gay people do not use protection. What’s even worse is that aside from the straight community, the gay community itself is also stigmatizing AIDS/HIV, which leaves the HIV positive young men nowhere to run. In April 2018, a promising HIV cure has been developed by a university in Hong Kong, which has proven to be effective in completely eliminating the HIV virus from infected mice, and the next stage of trials would be with larger mammals such as monkeys. It would still take a few years for human trials to even begin, and imagine the red tape and politics that it would go through from pharmaceutical companies and governments who profit off other treatment methods for HIV. It would probably cost you an arm and a leg to get that cure. The best thing for us to do is protect ourselves and prevent the spread of this disease. Use condoms, and read about PrEP.
In closing, I would like to reiterate that indeed, things are better for the gay man today than they were in the past, but our struggles are not over. We keep fighting every day, trying to be accepted and understood better by a world that has just recently opened its eyes and mind. Let our struggles of today mean something for the future generation.

Written by

Zac Madic

 

References links:

  1. www.cdc.gov/msmhealth/STD.htm
  2.  www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/9-year-old-commits-suicide-coming-gay-classmates-201811792

The New LGTBIQ+ FLAG

Hello Everyone, we have talked before about the very iconic Rainbow FLAG. Now once again we will talk about the FLAG and how it has changed to be more inclusive

New FLAG 

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Who designed it?

Daniel Quasar, a designer based in Portland, he felt that LGBT flag should be visually separated from the newer stripes, as well as to “shift focus and emphasis to what is important in our current community climate.”

“When the Pride flag was recreated in the last year to include both black and brown stripes as well as the trans stripes included this year, I wanted to see if there could be more emphasis in the design of the flag to give it more meaning,” Quasar explained

Last year there was a new design, this was to include black people and brown. However, it was  necessary to include the trans who are also a ministry within the community

“When the Pride flag was recreated in the last year to include both black and brown stripes, as well as the trans stripes, included this year, I wanted to see if there could be more emphasis in the design of the flag to give it more meaning,” Quasar explained

 

What do you think about the flag?

 

Queer Eye Reboot: Gay Town, USA

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The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy reboot has a whole new cast and location and the second season just dropped (can we say “dropped” for TV shows??) on Netflix. The new Fab 5 are a diverse, fun team, and while the stories of their nominees vary from episode to episode, exploring friendships, cuisine, family, skincare, loss, hair, race, fashion, and more, the theme that weaves the show together is number one the Gay Agenda: Love.

The original Queer Eye was set in New York – a city known worldwide for its diversity. The world has changed since the original show began in 2003. The LGBTQ+ community has seen more acceptance, but also new setbacks, and the new series is relevant and fresh. The reboot is set in the southern US, based out of Atlanta, Georgia.  It takes us to small town USA, a very different experience.

Season 2 Episode 1: God Bless Gay

In the first episode of season 2, the fab five takes over the small town of Gay, Georgia to help a woman named Tammye complete a community center and welcome her gay son, Myles, back to church. While Tammye has come around to accepting her son, he is still paralyzed by fear of judgement from the rest of the church members.

Tammye emanates love to all those around her, yet we can see Myles still struggles to live. His room is a mess, a visual reflection of his feelings. With the support of five other queers, however, he is able to clean himself and his room up and bravely attend an event at the church by the end of the episode. They make the point that when you are struggling to find your own place, you must seek it out, because those communities won’t magically find you. As an example they bring him to sing with the Atlanta LGBTQ+ choir, giving him the gift of spiritual music, which he had lost when he left the church after coming out.

This episode resonated with me for many reasons. Watching Myles’s transformation touched me because most of us know how impossible it is to take care of yourself when you feel unwelcome by your community. Bobby (the designer of the show) refuses to go into the church at the beginning of the episode because he has been so hurt by church in the past. Growing up in a small religious town myself, I was bullied by Christian kids at my school and that experience turned me away from any kind of church for years. But watching this episode, hearing the gorgeous gospel music, and listening to Tammye’s speech about acceptance at the end of the episode reminded me that we can all work to break down these constructed barriers and find beauty in each other’s passions. Just as a small-town religious woman can learn to appreciate gay love, so can the fab five learn to appreciate the power and love in her church community.

The Future

Moving along into the season, episode 2 follows the love story of the cutest straight couple. Episode three gives a shy Mexican dad the makeover he needs to feel confident enough to play with the other dads from his kids’ school. Every episode so far has give me a big AWWWW and I recommend this show for some light during dark times.

I am touched by the show’s representation of our community and its constant reminders that no matter who we are we should be caring, beautiful, and lovely for ourselves as well as to each other. I am grateful for the increasing amount of queer and POC content appearing, and this show inspires me to create more! If you want to contribute by writing a blog to share with us, contact us – we are always supportive of new voices!

SZUMMER PRIDE: Family Day Review

Hello, my Lalas and Followers. I have first to apologize because I am late on this review but you should know I was absolutely present during the Family Day last Sunday, giving all the support to these growing events in China.

Let´s start with our review!

The Place:

Bar: Bionic Brewery, Address:  深圳市南山区白石洲沙河街商业步行街 Shangyebuxingjie, Baishizhou,  Nanshan.

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I personally like this place as you can get good craft beer, good pizza, and the staff is absolutely friendly. However, I think we could have a bit more “kids” friendly place, I am sure for future events this can be considered but we appreciate the effort for this event! I personally loved the PRIDE Craft Beer, I had two and I don´t drink that much! The price was super good and the weather was the best especially after few days of strong rain.

The Event

The event was for all kinds of people, which is the point of PRIDE to be inclusive, you were able to see not just LGBT+ people but also straight families and I personally bought a friend´s dog (don´t listen to anyone that says I stole the dog!). My favorite part was that we were able to see photos of the same event in other cities of China, I am sure this is the landmark for what would be a new tradition! I also really liked the magic show we got not just for the kids but for someone like me that really enjoys this kind of shows

 

Our conclusion: 

This was a great start for a new tradition, it takes a small step to start a great adventure! I am sure the organizers will improve and improve to make this an even better event! Thanks to Alex for the invite!

Some photos of the events

Note: Some of the photos don´t belong to me but to the SZUMMER organizers thanks for sharing! 

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What is next? 

Wet & Wild: Long Weekend

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This is the official schedule: 

DAY ONE – June 16 – 7pm till late
Cocktail party @Poolside with swimwear fashion show
Beach After Party @Secret Spot – all night long

DAY TWO – June 17 – 2pm till late
“Wet Pool Party – wear a swimsuit – let’s get WET!
“Wild” Jungle Disco – dress code: jungle!

第一天 – 6/16 19:00至凌晨
鸡尾酒趴
@泳池边 – 男士泳衣时装秀
深夜沙滩趴@秘点沙滩酒吧 – 玩到天亮

第二天 – 6/17 14:00至凌晨
【湿】泳池趴 – 穿泳衣 – 一起湿身吧
【狂】森林主题大趴 – 疯狂森林主题着装

Want to buy tickets? Click here 

This event is one you don´t want to miss, especially if you are a newbie gay boy!

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For the location:

深圳西涌沙滩 Xichong Beach, Shenzhen

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For more information, you can visit their official website 

If you like our post give us a like and share with your friends!

 

What is PRIDE?

Hello everyone! It is June and you all know what that means, it is PRIDE month!. I know I am a bit late with this post but I was busy this last few days, Sorry! However, here I am and we will talk all about PRIDE and the basic information we all should know.

  1. What is PRIDE month?

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The 50s and 60s was a period of extreme repression  in the USA,  it was in this homophobic context when two organizations in particular carried out pickets called “Annual Reminders” to inform and remind that LGBT people did not receive basic civil rights protection, the annual reminders began in 1965 and it took place the 4th of July in Philadephia.  “Gay is Good” phrase came saw the light in 1968 by Frank Kameny a gay civil right pioneer and participant of this annuals reminders. it was in the early morning of the 28th of June of 1968 were a series of spontaneous, violent demonstrations by members of the LGBT community against police raid took place in New York City, this event has been considered the ground base leading the gay liberation movement in our modern society and it is because of these that the month of June was chosen for the LGBT pride month and commemorate the Stonewall riots, as result many events are held during this month to recognize the impact LGBT people in the world.

2. Who created the Rainbow Flag?

The father of the flab is Gilbert Baker, 1951-2017, an American artist, gay rights activists, this flag is widely known as the PRIDE flag and is a symbol for the LGBT social movements.

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3.  Top 10 PRIDE Events (Base on statistics)

  1. São Paulo, Brazil. (Parade)
  2. Madrid, Spain (Festival)
  3. New York City, USA (Parade and Festival)
  4. San Francisco, USA (Parade and Festival)
  5. Cologne, Germany (Parade)
  6. Toronto, Canada ( Festival)
  7. London, England (Parade)
  8. Colombus, USA (Parade)
  9. Chicago, USA (Parade)
  10. Rome, Italy (Festival)

4.  Best Countries to go and celebrate PRIDE

  • USA
  • Brazil
  • Netherlands
  • Canada
  • Spain
  • Australia
  • Germany

5. Where in China can I celebrate PRIDE?

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There are different places where you can celebrate PRIDE, here is the list of place that will host PRIDE events.

1. Shanghai PRIDE,  Shanghai.  Offical Website 

2.Hong Kong PRIDE Parade,  HK  Offical Website 

3. Shenzhen PRIDE, SZ    Offical Website

4. Guangzhou PRIDE,    Offical website pending.

 

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Shenzhen​ Stories Presents: PRIDE Quick Review

Hello, my beautiful Lalas and Rainbow people! I am back and this time with my review about what Shenzhen Stories: Pride, as you should know, or maybe not, I was one of the speakers this time! Yes! I was so nervous but I did my best to tell my story about how I came out of the closet, you will find soon the podcast of it on the official website: Shenzhen Stories SoundCloud  I hope you will enjoy it!

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*This photo does not belong to the blog but to Shenzhen Stories staff members 

My afternoon started very well when, at 6pm, I joined my very good friend Addie for dinner and after we took a slow walk to the coffee shop where Shenzhen Stories is hosted. There was a big “PRIDE” drawing on the wall, the environment was charming and relaxing, I was, of course, excited and nervous all at once. The first speaker joins, she talked about her family and how proud she is living in a more modern China.

I was the second speaker to join and after a shot of tequila, Viva México, I was brave enough to stand in front of the people and share my story, which I will share the draft bellow with you:

“Love has no shape” That was the answer that Guillermo del Toro gave when asked why the title of their movie “The Shape of water”, he said love comes to us without a specific form. I was in high school the first time I saw her, I was 15 and she was 17, her hair was reminding me of a sunset, her honey eyes were innocent. That was the shape of love for me, a girl, a woman and it felt great, every time she would hold my hand, she kissed my check, I can still remember her perfume, I was so nervous to talk to her than when we were finally introduced I called myself Lauren (My name is Laura), I came back the next day with bigger shoes (I wanted to be taller!). No one told that was love, no one told me it was ok to feel that way and when my mother found it my whole world fell apart, suddenly I was too young to know, it was just a face, she was a bad influence, my parents were getting divorce so for sure I was just trying to get attention and if I was willing to find a boyfriend I would see that was right for me and I did, I found a boy who I broke his heart’ the moment  I went to collage and met another woman that just smile at me once! A woman that I also wasn’t able to be with because I was so scared and ashamed of myself, I denied to know her when my friends asked who she was. Love had the shape of a woman and I was running away from it, I was trying so hard to represent it that I ended up in China.  The “Love has not shape” and it was at 24 when I understood that it was up to me to be happy, so I wrote one page letter to my mother, the most important person in my life, and I finally said it, as clear as I could “ I am gay and I am still the same daughter you rise me to be” that day also my mother learn that “love has no shape”. 

As you may notice, once you hear the podcast, I changed few things because when standing there in front of all those people perception changes and memories come back to you, however, this will give you guys the general idea of my story.

In the end, I think I was able to share my view of this world, where we can be free of love who we want!

Please remember to follow their website and ours for future posts! and if you wanna know who or what Shenzhen stories  visit our post about them

 

 

 

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Shenzhen Stories Presents: PRIDE

Hello my LaLas! I am back once again with very interesting post about an upcoming event I am sure you will be interested at! Next month, June, it is PRIDE month and as different way to start to celebrate to be OUT and PROUD, Shenzhen Stories will host a PRIDE night.

Shenzhen Stories

If you don’t know what Shenzhen Stories is, here are few basic questions and their answers about this awesome group!

1. When Shenzhen Stories started?

December of 2016 is when we started

2. What is the goal of Shenzhen Stories?

Our goal or mission statement would be to foster international community through the art of storytelling. We think storytelling begets empathy and can begin conversations that help people understand themselves and the world around them and therefore give them he ability to make it a better place.

3. What is the website address?

3. We actually are just operating off of social media mostly. We don’t have a website yet but are working on it. Right now people can find us on all of the big social media sites @shenzhenstories

SHENZHEN STORIES SOUND CLOUD

4. How often s Shenzhen Stories hosted?

Shenzhen Stories is held monthly

5. Where is the regular venue?

 We have met several places but would probably call our home this coffee shop in Nanhai E Cool called Sculpting in Time. They are awesome!

6. How did SZ Stories choose the topic PRIDE?

We try to base our themes loosely on any given months big holiday. Fun & Games in April was inspired by April Fools Day. So last December we looked at all the things happening in each month, knowing that Pride was in June but we wouldn’t have an event in June, we thought we would lead into it and have a Pride event in May. We thought it was an important event and wanted to celebrate proud voices.

 

If you like our post please give us a like and follow us on Facebook and Twitter!

 

La La-dorable Songs 2.0

Back with another playlist, extra extra thanks to my LaLas who left comments of their favorite songs, I’ve included them!

Pynk – Janelle Monae

The most lesbian music video ever just dropped:

Pynk is from Monae’s full-length emotion picture “Dirty Computer,” an absolutely beautiful, relevant work of art to our generation:

Paradise Girls – Deerhoof

“We like girls who are smart”

Often – Cover by Helen Tan

Whatever You Like – Cover by Anya Marina

New You – Zolita

Dreams – Fleetwood Mac

“Women, they will come and they will go. When the rain washes you clean you’ll know.”

Most Girls – Hailee Steinfeld

Here Comes the Rain Again – Eurythmics

“I want to talk like lovers do, want to dive into your ocean, is it raining with you?”

Damn, I wish I was Your Lover – Sophie B. Hawkins.

Touch – Shura

Te Amo – Rihanna

Only a girl – Gia

Borro Cassette – Maluma

Watch to the end:

She likes Girls – Metro Station