Top 10 Difficulties of Being a Gay Man

Today, coming out as gay isn’t as difficult a task as it was in the past, and yet it’s still one of the difficulties that gay men “in the closet” still have to face. in this article, I will attempt to count down and discuss briefly the top 10 difficulties that face gay men.
10. Sex Education
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      It’s awkward enough to be in a sex education class for both girls and boys but while it is the most certain way we get to learn about the birds and the bees, as a gay kid you’d probably cringe at the thought of what to do if you were playing for the other team as your classmates crack jokes about pubic hair and STD’s. As we figure out our sexuality, we tend to explore, and by explore, I am referring to gaining “experience”. Sounds fun, but there aren’t any materials out there that teach us what to do or how to protect ourselves and we have to rely on the internet. Sure there’s gay porn but we’re bound to see some things in it that we may want to stay away from but would not know better. We have to do our own research. In addition to that, the terms in the “gay lingo” might sound confusing to someone new. Of course, during the first sexual encounter, most guys wouldn’t know what to do except take hints from a porn flick he just watched online, and just “wing it” or make it up as they go.
9.Personal Hygiene
     
     Gay men are exposed to a lot of risk factors, health problems and diseases not discussed in any sex education book. Indeed, gay men are warned of the dangers of HIV all the time, but what if you’re a gay teenager and you are sexually active, but you are not out to your parents? You absolutely have to go to the doctor and talk about these things without having any parent in the room, and if you’ve heard about the dangers, you would really have to talk to your doctor or you might die. You would have to do a routine anal pap smear because as a gay man, you are 17 times more likely to get anal cancer, that is if your role is a bottom. Then there’s HPV, and a whole ton of mouth diseases if you’re heavy into oral sex. Where do I even begin? You would absolutely need to learn how to take care of your body and be mindful of your personal hygiene. You wouldn’t want anything that smells bad anywhere near your mouth, or anywhere in your body for that matter.
8. Legal Documents
     So you want to file tax papers, get medical insurance, apply for a credit card or get married? All legal paperwork would be a headache if your partner is of the same gender. I know of a gay couple who literally has to bring their marriage certificate everywhere they go. They told me that it’s the most convenient solution especially when they travel to places where gay marriage is unheard of, or when faced with bigotry. Ever try to book a hotel room without others giving you that look of disgust or they just snicker and giggle? Or try going to a hospital and see the nurse’s reaction when she asks for the spouse, and you have to explain that you’re a gay couple. Some companies even charge more for services they would normally provide for a straight couple.
7. Coming Out
     Captura de pantalla 2018-11-06 a la(s) 09.25.31If you thought that coming out was a one-time thing and you’re out your whole life, you’re wrong. As we move forward, we meet new people all the time, and coming out proves to be difficult most of the time especially when bigotry shows it’s ugly head. There is no safe place for you, where you can be sure that the person you’re talking to will surely be accepting, or open-minded enough to accept you and not act all shocked because of what you just said. Since society’s norm is being straight, usually, the first thing that comes to people’s minds when you mention you’re gay is your sex life. You either ignore it or try to explain politely and correctly informing them, which in many cases is a rather difficult thing to do, and may just ruin the conversation or provoke an assault either physical or verbal towards you, even if you are trying your best to be polite. Coming out is something you do almost all the time, during weddings, funerals, birthdays, or any other given situation where social interaction is required. Especially at weddings, when everyone is asking when you’ll get married and who is this nice-looking gentleman you’re with. You have to watch your pronoun genders and look at people’s faces, trying to see who is accepting and who are disgusted by what you just said. Then, there are the usual questions that follow, like “how did you know you were gay? When did it happen? Have you had gay sex before?”Some people would even try to set you up with a girl, saying that they only mean well, that you should try it out and see how you feel about it. Now try to imagine coming out as bisexual. There is something about admitting that you find the vagina and the penis equally appealing, and a large percentage of people would put you in the gay category instantly.
6. Going to Church
     Captura de pantalla 2018-11-06 a la(s) 09.27.46For atheists, this might not apply, but there is a huge percentage of Catholic, Christian, or of similar faith homosexuals who go to their respective churches and attend mass every Sunday, or whichever day of the week their religion has set as Holy. I had a transsexual friend who walked out of the church in the middle of the sermon when the priest started preaching about homosexuality being an abomination, that God never intended a man to lay with another man, et cetera, et cetera. We’ve all heard this before. And you can only imagine the look that these faithful church-goers gave my friend when they saw her walking out of the church as the priest blasted homosexuality on the microphone. My transsexual friend told me that she believed in God, but she also believed that God loves everyone equally, regardless of sexual orientation. Personally, I would prefer to believe in her God than the version of God that the priest preaches about.
5.  Parents
     I have a few friends who have known they were gay since they were 10 years old but never admitted it to their parents because they are certain that it would disappoint them, especially if they are an only child. It would shatter the hopes and dreams of their parents having a grandchild. To resolve this, they find a lesbian who is willing to go through a fake marriage. I was surprised to see a wedding invitation from my gay friend 3 months ago. I thought to myself, is he going to marry his long-time boyfriend? And to my surprise, when I opened the envelope, there was a picture of him and some girl I’ve never seen before. During the pre-wedding dinner, I saw his boyfriend and his “fiance’s” girlfriend at the same table. They pretended that everything was normal, pictures were taken, dinner was served, and there was no conversation about his sexuality, even though about 80 percent of the attendees were gay. After the marriage, they part ways and live their own lives again. There are some gay men though, who have to go through with making a baby for their parents’ satisfaction.
4. Discrimination
     Yes, it still exists. A lot of gay men who apply for a job are not employed because of their sexuality, even though they are highly qualified. Then there are the movements who continue to assault the gay community and literally want us dead. At the office, when people are divided into gender groups, it’s the most awkward thing for a transsexual or an openly gay cross-dresser. Although many people today are learning to accept homosexuality, there is still a big percentage of those who are just “pretending” to accept it just because everybody else does, but deep inside that person’s mind resides disgust. There are still government officials who push laws against homosexuality. There are still many countries known for their people beating up other people up just because they are gay.
3. Bullying
     Captura de pantalla 2018-11-06 a la(s) 09.24.06There are plenty of reasons why a child is bullied, but the worst just might be because of his sexual orientation. I’ve had classmates from when I was 7 years old who have been bullied until we were 16 just because they were gay. Imagine going to the same school year after year being bullied for almost ten years. Imagine being slammed into the lockers, played pranks on, coming home with your uniform wet with soda, being spit on, called names, you name it. But these are the strongest people I know. They’ve held on and most of these guys I knew from elementary and high school are now successful people. A few weeks ago, I read about this 8-year-old boy who came out to his mom as gay, and his mom smiled and hugged him, and told him that it’s okay and that she loves him no matter what. The kid got so excited that day that when he went to school, he proceeded with telling his classmates that he was gay, hoping it would elicit the same reaction he got from his mother. Unfortunately, his classmates were less accepting. They began to call him names, they bullied him and made him cry, to the point that he decided to end his life. Imagine, and 8-year-old boy committing suicide because of bullying. It’s a serious issue, and if you know someone who is being bullied for any reason, be a friend and help.
2. Rejection
     It’s bad enough to be discriminated against when applying for a job and they don’t pick you because you’re gay, but rejection, believe it or not, also exists within the gay community itself. Sure, everyone wants to be accepted, but the world’s perception of the gay man is a lean or well-built muscular guy, which leads to various problems like drug addiction, steroid abuse, and eating disorders, and gay men have to go through all of this just to be accepted more by other gay men especially on dating apps like Grindr. Surely you might say that everyone has preferences, and most gay men would prefer a muscled beefcake over a dad bod, but sometimes it’s just the way of rejection that discourages someone enough to drive himself into thinking of changing himself drastically by any means just to not get rejected again, even if it means starving himself to death or injecting steroids and hitting the gym 7 days a week just to get that well-chiseled physique that nobody can say no to. This is when the saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” comes into play, but sometimes, even that isn’t enough.
1. AIDS / HIV
     It was the dreaded disease of the past decades, and it still is, because there is still no cure, as of the date of writing this article. Although the treatment for HIV is now more convenient with just one pill a day so it doesn’t incubate into full-blown AIDS, the disease should not be taken lightly. This is the main misconception. With the advancement in medical technology, and the knowledge that HIV can be controlled and an infected person can still live a full long life, more and younger gay people do not use protection. What’s even worse is that aside from the straight community, the gay community itself is also stigmatizing AIDS/HIV, which leaves the HIV positive young men nowhere to run. In April 2018, a promising HIV cure has been developed by a university in Hong Kong, which has proven to be effective in completely eliminating the HIV virus from infected mice, and the next stage of trials would be with larger mammals such as monkeys. It would still take a few years for human trials to even begin, and imagine the red tape and politics that it would go through from pharmaceutical companies and governments who profit off other treatment methods for HIV. It would probably cost you an arm and a leg to get that cure. The best thing for us to do is protect ourselves and prevent the spread of this disease. Use condoms, and read about PrEP.
In closing, I would like to reiterate that indeed, things are better for the gay man today than they were in the past, but our struggles are not over. We keep fighting every day, trying to be accepted and understood better by a world that has just recently opened its eyes and mind. Let our struggles of today mean something for the future generation.

Written by

Zac Madic

 

References links:

  1. www.cdc.gov/msmhealth/STD.htm
  2.  www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/9-year-old-commits-suicide-coming-gay-classmates-201811792

Another day in Cambodia

I’ve been back in China for a while now and I still miss the sound of music playing in the background, a little bell ringing for an order that is ready, water splashing from the swimming pool and the joy and excitement in stories told by each backpacker to another.

Well, here is my story of being in Cambodia.

At the second day of being in this magical place, I got into the routine of waking up at noon, taking a shower, walking down the steps and ordering the best ( and yes, I mean the best ) banana smoothie made in this huge jug and a different breakfast each morning. I would decide what adventure to take on, what museum to see or just enjoy the sunny day next to the pool with either more banana smoothies or a cocktail. Time does not exist when you are on vacation, so feel free to drink that cocktail at 10:00 AM!

This does sound like an amazing vacation, so here’s the twist!

Two weeks before the date of leaving for Cambodia I asked my girlfriend to come with me, 7 days of no work and exploring! How exciting! Plus it would be the first trip I would take on with my partner! Yes, if you are wondering I’ve never been on a couples trip to another country! So I’m bursting with excitement!

Unfortunately, she could not join the entire trip, only the last 2 days. Meaning we would fly back to China together. This already made everything great! I get to spend two days with my favorite person in such a cultural place!

-FYI

This is still the good part!

Days have passed and only two days till I leave!

I get this text message from a friend saying she will join me in Cambodia the first week and leave the Sunday night my girlfriend arrives! Wow, could things get any better?

The two days passed slowly but it finally came! Our flight left at 18:00 PM so we left our places around 15:00 PM and arrived at the airport at 16:00 PM all excited and ready to take on this journey!

Standing in a line for nearly 30 minutes,finally we made it to the front! Super excited!

The excitement stopped there.

We got told my friend cannot go to Cambodia for certain reasons that made us both go into fighting mode and my passport number was incorrect. Struggling for an hour to solve all this, I got on the airplane alone and she went to my girlfriend’s house for wine and cheese.

At this point, I didn’t know if I should be happy or upset.

First, I’m going to Cambodia, Woooo! Without my friend, Ahhhh! No work for one week, just exploring and sipping drinks, Woooo! She gets to spend a relaxing night with my girlfriend that I already miss, Ahhhh!

Just a little bit of what is going on in my head at that moment.

I video called my girlfriend before boarding, told her the entire story while drinking my fruit shake and slowing eating a croissant.

Trying to lift my spirit up she made a silly joke saying she can’t come, I did not take it as a joke so I will end this part of the story right here.

Two and a half hours later I got to sit in a “tuk-tuk” ( this is hard to explain, maybe just search it if you do not know what it is ) on my way to our accommodation. I got a few tips from friends saying the amount I should pay from the airport to accommodation, that made me feel cool and calm.

Finally, I got to the hotel, paid double the amount I was supposed to, not so cool and calm anymore.

Booked in, left my bags in the room, ordered a beer and smoked a cigarette after this long day!

Like I said the second day I already got used to waking up like this!

Everything turned out just fine and well being an amazing first few days on my own!

Met new friends, got to go to this amazing Sky Bar called “Eclipse” with a view over the city and a tour walking around the markets, Royal Palace, Independent Monument and exploring new places to show my other half when she arrives!

Time flew by and Sunday finally arrived! I enjoyed my day by spending time next to the pool, having the best banana smoothies ever and ending with a few beers talking to new friends I met!

Still four more hours, then I get to pick up my girl from the airport, so we killed the time by sharing backpacking stories and the life here in China since they never been. I did tell them the LGBT+ community is great since the one girl said she’s bi-sexual.

Let’s skip the rest and get to the part of actually having my girlfriend with me now! Picked her up and all settled in at our accommodation.

We stayed up a little longer planning to go to the Sky Bar, that ended up to be closed when we arrived. Although we did get to play with puppies on our way there so it pretty much made my night!

The first night, BEST SEX EVER AFTER BEING APART FOR 5 DAYS! I know, it is not even that long!

The two days went by extremely fast! Woke up on Monday with breakfast in bed and after we explored the Genocide Prison, that was quite a sad experience and ended the night with dinner and a few drinks or maybe a lot…

Tuesday waking up with someone being a bit hangover, getting a nice breakfast downstairs and yes with my banana smoothie we planned our little adventure for the day!

We ended up going to the Killing fields to create the full picture of what happened 30 years ago in such an amazing place and after cheering yourself up by going to the Central Market so that my girlfriend could buy every dress she sees. I had fun carrying all the bags!

We planned to go out for dinner, but yet again the rain decided to keep us inside! We had a nice dinner at the hotel with one of our friends ( the bi-sexual one ) and went to bed early since our flight back was at 7:00 AM.

Again, being all excited since it is our first flight together! We ended up sleeping anyway but it was still a great flight being able to hold her hand most of the time and making silly jokes!

Sadly we left one day before a big LGBT event, but I’m sure I’ll attend it someday in the future!

Hands down an amazing trip! Maybe not from the start but I had time to be by myself and enjoy the small things in life, being able to walk barefoot, meet locals and just see the smiles on the people’s faces.

It is sad that something so tragic happened to them but I’m so happy to see that they stood up from it all and are growing more and more each day!

They have taught me to be grateful for so much more and I do thank the place and the people for that!

I’m sure you are already planning your trip to Cambodia, if you are, make sure to learn about their culture, their ways, and the history because it is truly amazing!

How do I handle my first lesbian relationship?

I’m straight but I’m starting to question my sexuality, so how do I know if this is something I really want or if it is just a phase?

Here are a few questions you might ask yourself with a few tips that I hope you can find help if you are in a situation like this!

1. Will our period sync?

Some say “Duh” and others say they do not know, to be honest, I can´t give you the answer to that one but I do hope it does happen.

 

2. Will I feel weird with public affection?

At first, it might be a bit strange if you care what other people think and depending on the area that you are at. Some women who are in long healthy relationships still feel uncomfortable and other women care zero amounts of what other people think or may say.

It will all depend on you and what you are comfortable with.

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3. How do I know if a woman is romantically attracted to me?

The easiest thing is to just ask, of course, it can be awkward but only if you make it awkward. If she identified herself as a lesbian it will be easier for you to pick up a flirty vibe from her side but also remember she could also just be friendly. Just because she is a lesbian does not mean she is automatically attracted to you.

If you ask and get a “No” as an answer because she did not flirt. Do not feel bad, it is better to know sooner than to do something you will later regret.

 

4. Does one need to be more manly?

No. If you are a butch or a fem, it is your choice. There are no rules to this! If you both feel like being butch then go ahead. Whatever makes you happy!

 

5. Whose pay the bill when we go out?

Few of my friends asked me this question before since their boyfriends will take them out and pay for dinner and they wondered how does it work with lesbians? No rules. Most of the time girls will share their bill or if they feel cute they will take their partner out for dinner and pay for it. it is like you buy me a drink and I buy you one after kind of deal.

 

It is nice to share responsibilities.

 

6. I do not know how to have sex with a woman.

My advice, trust yourself, you`ve got this! Most women will tend to look on the internet but it will only bring up more stress to do it that way and most details on the internet you should not trust at all!

The right one will talk to you about it and will be patient with you.

Don´t stress too much about it, just let it happen naturally.

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7. Do I need protection for lesbian sex?

I won’t go too deep into that question since we have an entire post about safe sex, just scroll down our page and you will find it.

 

8. What if we have sex and I hate it?

I guess you need to ask yourself what gender you prefer. Remember sex is about a lot more than just playing around but about love also. The moment you fall in love everything else will fall in place too.

 

9. Are we moving to fast?

Lesbian relationships tend to move faster than straight relationships, at least is a common belief. I guess if you know you know. That is something only you and your partner can discuss. If you feel like things are going as they should then good for you! Do what makes you happy.

 

10. Coming out to family and friends.

This one could be hard or easy. Friends are easy to come out to since they will support you no matter what (if they don´t they are not real friends) and only want to see you happy!

The family might take a while, before you tell them, make sure you are 100% honest with yourself about your feelings and that you feel comfortable with yourself. They might find it hard in the beginning but everything will work out just fine in the end!

 

I hope I was able to answer a few of your questions!

Now go have fun with that girl.

#Safe-LaLa-Sex

Today let’s talk about sex….safe sex!

 This post is not to tell you whether or not you should have multiple partners, I do not judge, this post is to tell you how to have sex, lesbian sex, in a safe way. Despite all of the available information, I know that there are still someLalaswhohave questions, curiosity or just want to learn a little more.

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Why is it important to practice safe sex?

The biggest thing you want to do prevent is the spread of STDs(or STIs), they are real and yes, women who sleep with other women are also at risk.

I will try to give you my top tips, with some help from Google and my personal experience, according to the three“kinds” of sex that can be practiced between two (or more) women.

This doesn’t mean that there are only three sexual positions, there are actually many of those!

If you’re looking for our information on positions, check out this post: Kama Sutra for Lesbians

One:  Oral Sex

Oral sex is probably the most common and probably the most obvious practices between lesbians and yeah baby! Oral sex is fun if you find the right partner. What is my advice to you if you want to go down on that beautiful girl and give a nice kiss to her VaJJ but you just met her in a club/bar/coffee shop/flower shop/Restaurant?

Advice: Don´t do it! Don´t have oral sex with someone you just met!

Reality: You most likely will totally ignore my advice and you will have awesome oral sex, I hope it is. Now the following question would be, how do you have safe oral sex?
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There is a product on the market that is made to be used during oral sex and that is a Dental Dam.

It is a square of rubber, latex, or other non-permeable material about 8” by 6” to 10” by 8” in size. It is used as a barrier or protection so there is no direct mouth-to-genital or mouth-to-anus contact during oral sex.  You may think it is hard to find Dental Dam in China but in fact it is not,you can buy them on Taobao  or Baopals (English version of Taobao, if you cannot find the product as Dental Dam just copy paste the link of the shop from Taobao in the search section of the web) by looking for them with thisname口爱膜(Kǒu ài mó), they are not expensive and you should always keep one in your bag and your house. Captura de pantalla 2018-06-25 a la(s) 21.04.53.png

If you happen NOT to have Dental Dam you can always use a condom, in fact, I consider that regardless of your sexual orientation you should always keep a condom in your bag/pocket/wallet/house as you can cut the condom to a square and use it to avoid direct contact.

 

Remember to maintain good oral hygiene, wash your mouth at least twice a day, use mouthwash, floss and keep your body parts clean.

Two:  Penetration

The rule number one for this is: Keep your hands cleans, especially your nails!

Penetration is also a common practice either using your hands (Fingering is real yo!) or using a toy. The best way to be safe is by using a condom or disposable latex gloves (手套乳胶). Condoms are easy to find in China as they can be purchased in most convenience shops. You must remember to use a different condom if you are sharing a toy (Yes, lesbians can like toys.They can be fun and it is ok).

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Three:  Tribbing or Tribadism

Yes, People, scissoring is a thing and if you don´t believe it you have been doing it wrong!

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Unfortunately, there is not really a good way to have safe sex when you practice tribbing when both genitals are into direct contact but there are other areas of your body´s partner that can work for tribbing as this is not exclusive of only genitals vs genitals. Just avoid direct contact.

Alright my Lalas, keep it safe, keep it clean and enjoy your sexuality! No judgment here!

Side Note: No matter if you’re using a mouth, toys, or fingers, don’t go from an anus to a vagina. There are all sorts of bacteria that belong in a butt and not in a vagina so don’t mix them!

 

 

Do you wanna get test it and you don´t know where to go? 

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Shenzhen Shekou Medical Center, this is a clinic where they speak English and have a good appointment service and usually accepts insurance if you are not covered they also have a good price for services  – English Services 

5th Floor, Tower A, Wanrong Building, Gongye 4th Rd, Nanshan District, Shenzhen
深圳市南山区南海大道和工业四路交汇处万融大厦A座5层
Tel:(0755) 8666 4776
Shenzhen Vista-SK Medical Center, this clinic do a smear test for girls, it is a must when you reach the age of 25. This clinic also accepts insurance (but always confirm first), if you don´t have insurance it may be an expensive option.   English Services 
Lvl 4, Bldg 4C, Shenzhen Software Industry Base, Xuefu Rd, Nanshan District SHENZHEN PRC 518054
软件产业基地4栋C座裙楼4层深圳市南山区学府路邮编:518054
+86 755 3689 9833
Shekou People´s Hospital Shekou, I have been going to this clinic for years now and they have good service, the price is very good for a non-international hospital and the results are very fast
Shenzhen, Shekou Goneyequ 7th Road  # 36  (Side to Nanhai Road two blocks before Shekou Walmart)
地址:深圳市蛇口工业区七路36号 总机:0755-21606999
The University of Hong Kong-Shenzhen Hospital, This is another good hospital  English and Chinese service 
The University of Hong Kong – Shenzhen Hospital, 1, Haiyuan 1st Road, Futian District, Shenzhen, Guangdong, P.R.C. Appointment Hotline:0755-86913366
广东深圳市福田区海园一路(白石路与侨城东路交汇)香港大学深圳医院
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Best Apps for Picking up Girls

Honorable Mention #1: Tinder

If you’re a single Lala, I am sure you have tried Tinder. So why didn’t I ever find you? Probably because you compulsively download, delete, and re-download it due to your cycle of boredom and frustration.

Tinder is FULL of hot girls with boyfriends, looking for a unicorn. I think that’s great but I wish there could be a box to check when you’re not into couples. Not that saying you’re not into boys even works… Tinder always shows me boys anyway. So after swiping through all the unicorn hunters, my Tinder experience goes like this:

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However, due to its popularity, I still give tinder and honorable mention. If you’re looking for that wild card kind of date, or just to creep on pictures of cuties, you can always give it a go. (Just remember to be safe!)

Honorable Mention #2: Spicy/HER/Lesbian-Specific Apps

Are the girls on these even real? Where are they? In lesbian fashion, these apps don’t tend to filter based on proximity. In my experience the interfaces are not as well designed as other more mainstream apps, but again, it’s cool to look at pictures and chat with other Queerios. Who knows, maybe that girl in Seychelles will really be the one for you.

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3rd Place: Mobike

Mobike+Singapore+-+1

For all my Laowai Lalas (Laolas??) I’m awarding Mobike (or Ofo, whatever you prefer between your legs) the bronze medal. Get out on that town! Keep it tight! Get your ass and legs on point!

I love biking around Shenzhen, it’s so freeing knowing I can bike as far as I want, ditch my bike, and take the subway home if I want to. Biking will get you to parts of the city you won’t discover in your usual rut. Explore your city and enjoy your single life while you can. Maybe you’ll bike up to a hidden cafe and She will be waiting for you there.

2nd Place: Wechat

Lez be honest, if you’re a Laola, Wechat is your online life. But how can you use it to meet cuties?

wechat-thing

  • Join queer groups!
  • Join activity/social groups – lots of hiking or sports groups out there that organize meetups. Then go to the meetups and add the cuties directly.
  • Add babes in the club when you’re out, you can text them in the morning and see if they want to share hangover coffee!
  • Start a group… For um, the community. Yes for the community. Definitely not just in hopes of meeting someone.
  • Keep in touch with your friends from home so they can comfort you when you find out that cute girl from last night has a boyfriend.

1st Place: Duolingo

Remember that awkward screenshot from honorable mention number two? Well I have the solution for how you can prepare to talk to hotties from around the world. Open up your options by learning a new language with Duolingo!

Duolingo is a free app that will teach you a foreign language through daily game-like exercises. It is SUCH a good use of your time! Lonely? Don’t worry, Duolingo will text you if you leave it alone too long. It cares about your progress! If you wake up in the morning without that someone special to text, Duolingo will be there for you. The setup is validating and rewarding, and honestly addictive. (Seriously, I have struggled with addiction with this app, but I have no regrets.)

Duolingo offers multiple languages of instruction as well as multiple languages to study. Most importantly, some of the languages offer a special section on flirting. Are you into Latinas? Want to learn how to say “Do you come here often?” “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” or “Are you lost, heaven is far from here!” in Spanish? Or are you more into blondes? Start doing those German lessons. Have a weakness for French accents? You know what to do!

The algorithm is extremely effective, and there’s nothing sexier than a smart, multi-lingual Lala like you!

duolingo

What are your tech tricks for picking up baes in the modern world? Share them in the comments!

The importance of Having a Gay Best Friend (When You’re Gay)

“When you’re gay, your friends are your family.” -Quote from a youtube video about the L-Word

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Ryn and I met because we had the same tooth-brushing schedule in the dorm bathroom. I was 19 and she was 18 when we moved into the same building. Every morning, that first week of fall semester, we would arrive to the bathroom at the same time, just the two of us. We’d brush our teeth for a full two minutes, floss, and depart. Then in the evening the same thing would happen again.

Finally one morning she joked, “I think you’re following me.”

I looked her dead in the eyes and said “No, I think you are following me.” She didn’t know me yet so she had no idea I was kidding. The next day though, she was brave enough to say:

“Well I think the universe is telling us we should be friends.” And that’s how I found my gay best friend.

We can’t remember a time that we explicitly came to to each other. We understood each other and nothing in our friendship ever precluded the truth that we both liked girls, despite the fact that we both had boyfriends when we met.

I remember when Ryn’s first boyfriend broke up with her, she knocked on my door, tears welling up in her eyes. Awkwardly, my first boyfriend was there in my room. It was a big deal because my boyfriend and I were long distance and rarely got to see each other (how convenient… we almost never had sex,) but when she told me what had happened nothing mattered to me except comforting her. Fuck my boyfriend, my friend needed love. And fuck her boyfriend too, for the record.

You might think, as boys at parties who make scissoring motions at us like to think, that after my boyfriend dumped me Ryn and I would fall in love and have passionate sex. Nope.

Instead we became the two best roommates you can imagine. We threw parties together, cooked for each other, traded chores, and gossiped about the new boys and girls that came into our lives. Through the years we created a little community of other queer girls. A world where we can be comfortable with who we are, and take care of each other.

All of us spend a lot of energy hoping to meet someone we can have a physical relationship. But how could we ever navigate romantic and sexual relationships without our friends? It’s so exciting to meet someone you want to fuck, especially if they want to fuck you too, but how lonely that excitement would be without someone to share it with!

If you’re a lost lala out there, in the closet, or haven’t yet found your queer friends, please trust me when I say you’re not actually alone. And in your search for love, remember to look for the person who loves and understands you. The one who will put your feelings first, above their new fling or romance, no matter how good the sex is. Of course it doesn’t really matter what their sexuality or gender is, as long as you love each other. But personally, I am so grateful for my lala bestie.

Thank you Ryn for being my “husband,” always and forever, and shout out to our other babes (you know who you are!)

Do you have a gay best friend that you will love until the end of time, but would never sleep with? Share your platonic love story in the comments!American Gothic

And remember to brush your teeth. 😉

LOGIC – 1800 273 8255

“In the first_ hook and verse we hear a person at the end of their rope who has called the suicide hotline. Plain and simply; they are ready to commit suicide, feeling they have nowhere else to turn and are expressing the reasons why they wish to commit this act. In the second verse we then hear words from the perspective of the hotline operator who in turn gives them many reasons to keep on fighting for their life. Expressing that this act is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. On the final hook we then hear the caller express their new lease on life and outlook on a life that they thought was over but had actually been far from it all along.”

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This might be a little different from all my previous posts, but I came across the song that I’ve been listening over and over and literally feeling the pain from each verse. I didn’t know how to react after a tear ran down my cheek when the song finally stopped. I decided to write something since I knew I also went through a stage in my life were I felt all alone in such a big place, judgements and pranks all around me, disappointing parents and that might hurt the most. Being all alone after you just tried being yourself.

Out of all the lyrics in the song I can’t point out one single verse that meant more than the rest, since every single word touched me.

I still remember in the beginning as I also mentioned in a previous post “how afraid I were by coming out, friends and family I will lose, judgements and loneliness” but I never quite went into it that deep or actually realized it until I heard this song. I do know, people aren’t the same and everyone deal with this situation differently, I told my friend today;

“This song quite showed me more and I do feel since the song is about two guys that it may be harder. Going to bars, clubs, events guys and girls cheer if two girls kiss or either just do it for fun but do guys do that? They are being judged as soon as they walk into a place by some people or just simply being kicked out, don’t get me wrong, it might happen to girls too, still everyone will handle it differently depending on their personality.”

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I were lucky enough for being accepted by my family, well half since the other half doesn’t even know yet “well we don’t talk” and the friends that I could count on one hand that accepted me for who I am.

I’ve been judged, I fell apart, people told me that I’m not enough and left me with a broken heart, they fooled me and left me scared, words running through my mind over and over that they yelled behind my back, I couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t want to stand up, never felt this hard, I turned to liquor, I partied, I had no respect for myself, I was falling apart and I could feel every little piece hitting the ground and it’s killing me, but I don’t mind if I fall apart. There’s more room in a broken heart.

I don’t regret feeling like that, I don’t regret crying until I couldn’t see through my eyes anymore, being told I’m going against my believes “my believes or yours?” “my dreams or yours?”. It taught me what I needed to know, it showed me how to grow and how to love myself more. I’m thankful for people who stepped on me and kicked me while I were down, it made me realized I never wanted to be like that.

People come to me and ask; “Why do you still talk to them?” “Why do you help her?” “What, they are on your social media still?” “Why don’t you hate them?” “Why…”

Well, I don’t have an answer to all your questions but I do know how it feels to be judges, I do know how it feels getting messages saying how bad you are, I do know how it feels being kicked when you did nothing wrong, I do know what it feels like being left alone, I do know what it feels like being on a low and feeling like my life ain’t mine but I finally wanted to live, I don’t want to die and I will always be there for ones in need, I will always have your back no matter what you did to me because I knew you will go through the same one day and I know off people who did, they kicked me while I were down and look today_ they are dating someone of the same sex and back then they laughed at me.

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This is for the ones out there who can’t see tomorrow, who’s on the ground and has no one to pick them up, the ones who’s fighting to be the real “you”. This won’t last forever, you are staring at a blank wall right now, start thinking bigger, you won’t be in this position for the rest of your life, make that blank wall a piece of art and be proud of yourself; the rest will follow.

This is for the ones who are out-going, loud, has an attitude, come forward as the bravest, big ego_ somewhere deep inside you have already found yourself and are the person you wanted to be or you are doing everything to hide the things that hurt you most. Being someone you aren’t is much worse than being judge and kicked.

This is for the ones who fought the fight, who came out to the top but never stopped going forward, who fell in love with their life, you did it, you are alive!I don’t wanna be alive

 

I just wanna die                                        You don’t gotta die today

I don’t wanna be alive                             I want you to be alive
And let me tell you why                          Now lemme tell you why

Name of the song:

Logic – 1-800-273-8255 ft. Alessia Cara, Khalid

 

 

 

 

 

The 7 rules of flirting

Hello Lalas!  I am back, ready and with a new haircut! I am sorry I was MIA for the last two weeks but, as you all know, it was Chinese New Year:  Happy Year of the DOG! A bit late, Sorry!

Alright!, As a new year has started and I am struggling with ideas for new Topics I decided to write this one: The 7 rules of flirting, why ? You could ask. Well, I have gotten few questions from friends and people that I know about how, not always, I manage to get a girl to go out on a date with me or a bit more than that… if you get my lalameaning! And even thou I always reply the same way: I am cute!, the truth is that for a long time I was insecure, shy and, I admit, desperate (Sorry my RainbowFriends but it is not good when people can tell we are desperate). However, after a long period of being absolutely awkward I overcame all of it and I am the confidante, out of the closet, Lala that I am now!

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So, Now I will give you my 7 rules to a good flirt, They work with me and I hope they will work with you, no matter if you are Lesbian, Gay, Trans, Hetero and all those other letters I cannot remember:

Ready?

  1. Personal hygiene

This is one that you have to know: It doest matter that you personal hygiene is good! I am sorry folks but it is not nice if someone comes to you, no matter how pretty!, tries to talk to you and you smell bad or your clothes are dirty: BE CLEAN!,  We all appreciate a person that smells nice and their mouth doesn’t taste like they didn’t brush their teeth that day! And don´t forget keeping your hair in good shape you never know who wants to grab it in a erotic way!

 

2. Be Polite

Don´t be Rude!

It is super cool when someone says what is not their mind BUT you have to respect others opinion.  “Thanks and Your welcome open doors” By My mother!  My mom will always say that to me and sure she was right!, There are tons of books about how to behave, I am personally a big fan of those, you don’t have to read them but you should sure know that nothing impress more than someone that treats you with respect.

3. Ask Questions to your date or person of interest 

Show interest!, if you are into someone the logical thing to do is to ask them questions but careful don´t be too personal! it is ok to ask: Do you like Mexican food? but it is not ok to ask:  Why are you afraid of commitment?. Trust is something that takes time to build and you cannot go and be all personal after five minutes of talk, you have to first make the person comfortable and then if the open the door for a deeper conversation go for it but don’t push!, Which brings me to the number 4

 

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4. Relax!

If you are relax the people next to you will also be relax, you are not in a rush, this not a competition if you like someone just let it happen and if they are not into you don’t stress about it, there are a lot more out there, remember the best experiences come when we don’t plan and do you know when we don’t plan? When we are not trying to hard and we are relax.

5. Attention to details

Details, Details, Details!  if you are going to invite a drink to a girl/boy/person you have to first find out what they are drinking! simple rule and it goes with everything else, since the topic you both have to the things they may like once you get to see those details you will have the confidence to approach.

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6. Prepare to be Social 

I am an extrovert and it would be easy for me to say: Go out and talk to people!.However, I have dated girls that are introverts, actually I think they are only two kinds of people in this world:  Introverts and Extroverts but either you are as social as I can be or you need more time to prepare yourself to hang out with others we all need interaction, we are humans!, so take your time and put yourself out there, you can start with small groups or trying to join in activities you can enjoy and if you are not so talkative at least let others to talk to you by being, step by step!

 

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7.  Be yourself

This is the most important one either you are fem, butch, in between or confuse with society there is nothing more attractive that when you are confidante and you can only get to be confidante when you are truly yourself, not everyone is going to like it but you know what: Not everyone like chocolate! or Tacos (Joking! everyone loves tacos and if you don’t get out of my blog!)  Attractive people are those that will be who they are!

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Those are my 7 rules! I hope you enjoyed the post and if you thing I am missing something leave a comment below, don´t forget to give us a like or following us in our social media!