Hook-ups and 1 night stands

I can’t say I feel bad for being MIA this entire Chinese New Year, since I probably had the funnest and craziest one ever! While doing all these unforgettable adventures my mind has been over-flowing with ideas and one came to me, what about 1 night stands? I’m sure you had a lot of those being single during the Chinese New Year.

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To be honest I can’t speak from much experience, since I only heard the next morning waking up with a banging headache about the number of people I kissed or just simply waking up with clothes in my room that don’t belong to me; I still can’t quite figure out which one is worse, number of people seeing me being way over my head kissing all those girls or guessing the name of the girl laying next to me.

One things that I can tell you is that it weren’t really the funnest thing for me to do. Through the years I started to learn things about myself a little more and that is that I can not do one night stands or hook ups.

The hook up will either turn into something more since I’m one of those people who can fall for someone in a split second or it will stay one of those friends with benefits type; and one will always end up wanting more and then it’s just a total mess and you don’t want to go out anymore because you are afraid of running into them. Well. maybe it’s just my crazy way of thinking but I prefer to do my hook up in a country I visit for one day and never have to walk into them again if no feelings are attached or memories!

Now for the 1 night stand; why do they even call it that? Standing the whole night now aren’t you… I will leave it there.

I may speak from my personal experience and again, I kind of found myself being a person who can go to second base if I don’t have feelings for someone, again, just me being weird or do others also feel like that? Being in that situation I then try and come up with the lamest excuses ever to get myself out of that situation since I clearly didn’t think what would happen after I kindly invite them over to my house! Well it would always be one of two, “Sorry, I’m on my period” “Eh, I’m sorry.. I kinda can’t” I barely use the second one because I feel to bad after all the alcohol has disappeared from my system.

Let’s not make it all negative

I’m sure we all had that 1 night stand or hook up that we can’t forget or just made all the others not even worth it!

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After I just shared my thought on that, I guess we all are wondering what is an one night stand and a hook-up? What exactly is the difference?

So I went searching around and here is a few of the answers I found:

  • “I think a one night stand is when you meet someone for the first time, sleep with them that night, then don’t talk to them any more. A hook up is someone you knew, slept with, or slept with but then continued to be friends with and/or sleep with.”
  • “I thought a one-night stand was with a stranger and a hook-up was with someone you knew… IDK.”
  • “a hook up lends more to friends with benefits than meeting a random person who you’ll more than likely never see again. Although one night stands can easily become hook ups.”
  • “A one night stand is always a hook up, but a hook up isn’t always a one night stand.Ok, I def agree with this. In college, I never considered that I had any one-night stands (because I always knew the guys, usually fairly well), but I did have hook-ups (not sex) with guys who weren’t my boyfriend.  I also think a one-night stand always refers to sex, while a hook-up can just be, well, just hooking up.”

I think I will go with the last point!

Know we all know a little more about how my mind work around these types of things, I do agree that they are fun and can be left at one night, but for people with a more sensitive side they can turn into something you don’t want, so be careful out there for the soft hearted ones!

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Feel free to share your amazing story or well embarrassing one if you wan’t to, or just leave a comment of your opinion on “What’s the difference between a hook-up and 1 night stand.

 

How to Ask a Girl out if You Are a Girl

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I’ve been noticing wherever I go, somewhere along the line I meet a girl who is either to shy to show her true self by being Lesbian or don’t really know how the interact with other girls, so I went searching a bit for a few tips. Maybe you will be able to try one of these or even leave a comment of how you do it.

Part 1: Gauging her interest.

  • Notice her body language – Many woman will slightly touch you or lean into you while you are talking, this will show their interests in you. If you are not so lucky to talk to anyone, look for the one who is staring at you from across the room.
  • Talk to mutual friends – You can ask them for advice how to ask ‘her’ out, or a simple question as ” Do you see any vibe between us?”
  • Show your interest – Pay attention to what she is saying; How can she pay interest in you if you aren’t paying any in her.
  • Know a little more – Before you decide to jump into this, maybe first find out if she is in a relationship from friends or social media.
  • Learn her view on the LGBT community – Listen to her opinions before you jump in, besides not all woman out there are gay so try not to fall for the wrong one, protect yourself.
  • What is she – Find out if she is Bisexual , Lesbian or simply straight. Just because you are talking about the topic doesn’t mean she is one of them.

Part 2: Flirting with her.

  • Make eye contact – This will show that you are interested in what she is saying and showcases that you care.
  • Touch her occasionally – If she likes it continue, if not stop immediately otherwise it will make her want to run away. Begin with placing your hand on her shoulder for a few seconds, nothing intense.
  • Be confident – Well there is nothing more sexier than a confident woman.
  • Make her laugh – They say one of the easiest ways to talk to a woman is by making her laugh, so come up with a silly joke or something funny happening on the moment.
  • Compliment her – I’ve never met anyone who don’t like compliments.
  • Get to know her – Ask her questions about herself to get a better picture of what type of person she is.

Part 3: Asking her out.

  • Ask her number – As I noticed, here we ask WeChat Id’s so try asking for hers.
  • Ask her out – Do this in person, it may be received in the wrong way over a text message or not so serious.
  • Accept the outcome – It can either be positive or negative. If positive, I do hope you have a great date in mind but if not, move on and try other options.
  • Be direct – You might stumble over your words and end up saying something you didn’t even want to say.
  • Plan a fun date – If she agrees, try to plan a date that includes her interest and hobbies as well.

From here the ball will be in your hands!

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From my personal view, I’m lucky I’m so confident to just walk up to someone and tell them straight I like them, of course only if I got to know them. This might have been my 10 seconds of bravery rule or just the alcohol helping me out.

If you were wondering what the 10 second rule is, have you ever watched “We bought a Zoo” well if you did you would know if not; here it is.

It only take 10 second to be brave enough to say what you really want to say, after that you will take the outcome and move forward from that, it will either be positive or negative.

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How I do it …

I received a comment on my previous post “How to overcome these obstacles”, well I won’t be able to give you the perfect answer but I can share my story and how my partner and I overcome them together!

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Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place you go to give, and not a place you go to take.

I would like to share 10 points with you before we go to the topic of how to overcome those obstacles. It’s not just 10 points but also things I do believe in.

  • Successful relationships do take work.
  • You can only change yourself, not your partner.
  • All arguments stem from your own fear or pain.
  • Understanding that two individuals are different.
  • Honor each other in some way every day.
  • Anger is a waste of time.
  • Find a way to become and stay best friends.
  • Actions speak louder than words.
  • Give what you want to get.
  • Learn to agree to disagree.

Points above are the things I keep close when I enter a relationship, I’m not saying I live my life of 10 points but I do keep my head up and would like to receive what I give in a relationship, no relationship will ever be a happy one if one partner always gives more.

Now, lets take this step by step through all the points I mentioned in my previous post:

  • Mindset – Well, this one is quite easy. As soon as the other person start talking about dating you raise your opinion and tell them where you are standing with each other, no need to feel ashamed by being true to yourself and your feelings.
  • Things that may be right for you but wrong to them – To be honest, I’m still dealing with this, I won’t call it a problem because it isn’t. If something happens and either one of us don’t like it, we either talk about it right away and solve it or talk later when we are in a quite space and alone. Keeping it in will only lead to bigger fights later, solve it as soon as possible no matter how stupid the reason, it won’t be stupid to your parents, maybe they even feel the same.
  • Affection – We sorted this out from the beginning! I still get the comment that every girl is different and that is true, some are more traditional than other but you can still talk about this, everyone is human and some affection now and then isn’t wrong! In my relationship I don’t have that problem but if you do, I probably won’t have the perfect answer for you but talk about it, maybe they are still new to this game and don’t know how or what you are comfortable with; or if not comfortable at all then it’s your decision, if you really love someone you wouldn’t care about these small things, respect their ways and they will respect yours.
  • Jealousy – This may be our biggest problem. Getting jealous over the smallest things can lead to the biggest fights, believe me! This will never go away I believe, but you can talk about things that get you jealous and come to some sort of solution. I know my partner don’t like if i use the word “too” after things like “I miss you” , it took me quite a while to stop but her reason were good enough for me to stop using it.
  • Eating habits – Quite easy, order from different places and watch a movie at home, or simply take turns with the places you go to, come on; both Chinese and Western food are good! If you can’t eat with chop sticks, take a fork with you!
  • Language barrier – This one is quite hard. I was lucky enough to find someone who can speak English, and since she took the extra mile to learn a second or third language, I will walk that extra mile also to learn Chinese, I think that’s just fair.
  • Friend circle – I don’t find this one that hard since I’ve been in this situation a few times. If I don’t understand she will explain to me or her friends that can speak English will speak English to me, one of the reasons I’m also learning Chinese, it shows some type of respect if they would change an entire environment to make me feel comfortable. Then again, if I don’t understand, it doesn’t bother me; I trust her enough.
  • Family – This is one I can’t help you with, I’m still making peace with the fact that her family will never know, at the same time it doesn’t bother me that much because I know I’m blessed enough to even have her taking that step to go against their wishes and be with me.
  • The one I got from my girlfriend – Foreigners are more open to things I agree, but there’s nothing wrong with showing and exploring these things with your partner, if they aren’t comfortable with it after your tried, they will tell you and remember at least they tried so don’t be mad.
  • The ex topic – It’s fair, you don’t want to see your partners ex all over their social media page, so I deleted mine and respected her wishes. If you choose differently, good luck with that fight!

 

This is only from my point of view and I’m sure it won’t be the perfect solution for you or maybe you will even find a better way to deal with these obstacles. Everyone is different, everyone behave differently, if you truly know your partner you would know how to treat / overcome a situation.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
Bob Marley

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No problem is too big to solve. Feel free to contact our LaLa group anytime if you have your own story to tell of how you deal with these situations.

 

Foreigner – Local

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Ever travelled to another country and end up dating someone there? Different culture, different nationality, different ways; everything different that you are use too. 

My traveling days starting when I were still a young teenager by the age of 19, my first location were USA; I never really experienced the live of being in a relationship but more  exploring since I just ended a 2 year relationship. Getting use to the culture and people it weren’t that different from where I were from, except the cars driving on the opposite side and money currency. I had one year to play around, date, have fun and just focus on myself!

Things changed a bit when I entered Asia.

The culture, people, scenery, food, music, night life, restaurants everything were quite different and took me quite a while to get use to everything, except one thing and that will be chop sticks, I still cant quite get the hang of picking up noodles with two sticks.

Then the relationship part came along, now that throw me totally off the bus.

When you first get a glimpse of that one girl in the club or restaurant or somewhere you totally didn’t think or expect you will meet the one you will totally fall in love with the moment you start talking to them, well that do happen! 

In the beginning everything is sunshine and roses, trying so hard to get their attention, going on dates, spending more time together until you both start falling in love and taking it to the next step after a few months. To be honest, this first few days, weeks, months isn’t really “you” getting to know the other person but most just trying so hard and suddenly when they have the person, then the trying stops; well that’s just my opinion, and it shouldn’t be like that!

Well now the relationship part starts and you are getting to know your partner more and more, it can either continue to be sunshine and roses or a few fights will occur. Remember the differences? Here is a few I know of in my own experience:

  • Mindset about a relationship – in detail: Some meet you and hang out once and already think you are in a relationship.
  • Things that are right for you may be wrong for them or the other way around.
  • Affection – in detail: Some either give you all their attention or not at all, this can go both ways.
  • Jealousy – in detail: It needs to be balanced. ” You can’t get jealous about everything, that will lead to ongoing fights, this you need to talk out together, what you like and don’t like”
  • Eating habits – in detail: You might hate Asian food and she Western food, now? Would you ever be able to go on a date together?
  • Language barrier – in detail: Conflict may occur if you understood each other wrongly, another fight or even break up just because of a misunderstanding.
  • Friend circle – in detail: You might feel left behind being with your partners friend and the only language being used most of the time is their mother language, now how do you understand a thing?
  • Family – in detail: This can happen from both side, you will either never tell your family about your partner ” This will always leave you in the dark and hiding each other from their family – this may start hurting after a while”
  • This one a got from my girlfriend – in detail: Foreigners are more open to things, that will take your partner quite a while to get use to or never at all.
  • The ex topic – in detail: Some do believe if you enter a new relationship, you should take off all pictures and memories from social media that includes the ex – in some way this shows respect towards one another.

There is so much more I can add, and I’m sure you can too but again in my opinion, if you are really crazy, madly in love or either love your partner you will find a way around all the bullet points and meet each other in the middle, I were lucky enough to find my one who were willing to find me in the middle as well.

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I’m not saying it is the easiest thing ever to enter a relationship with someone totally opposite from you but you do get that one who will make it quite easy for you facing all these difficulties, well maybe you won’t even call them difficulties, but just another step you have to talk about and solve, it can be easy if there is communication in your relationship, that is the most important thing!

Ive been in my relationship for quite a while and we do face difficulties, not just big ones but small ones also, such as; misunderstanding each other, language barrier, jealousy, eating habits ….

But we do meet each other in the middle and solve the problem right there and then.

This is all from my point of few but I’m sure you have your own story to tell or even add a few to my story, or even disagree to a few things. All I’m 100% sure about is love has no barrier and no “culture difference or any of the points I mentioned” is too big if you truly do like someone, you will make it work!

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How I Want “The Bachelor” to End

The morning sun lights up the turquoise sea but this season’s bachelor, Garth, looks grim as he strides across the black beach. We’ve followed him across the world, from LA all the way here to Costa Rica where he must now dump one unreasonably hot babe and propose to the other.

Emily is the sassy one. With her long black hair, dusting of freckles, and eerily golden eyes, she looks the part of the sweetheart but her tongue is razor-sharp. We’re happy she made it this far, not only because she is the only one who wouldn’t put up with Garth’s shit, but also because it’s been a relief to have a non-white character in the bachelor franchise. We see her beneath a flower-covered trellis, white dress fluttering in the sea breeze.

Adilyn has even less personality than Garth. This has benefitted her in the show because she has avoided conflict with the other contestants. Her tiny waist, platinum blonde hair, and huge boobs have done the rest of the work for her. She’s wearing a black bikini, standing under another trellis somewhere down the beach.

Garth follows a pathway of rose petals toward his soon-to-be ex. It’s Adilyn.

“Adilyn. We’ve had so many beautiful experiences together and I have developed real feelings for you over the last few months. But this is goodbye for us. I’m sorry.” Tears slide down her cheeks but this show is supposedly about love, not breakups, so we move right along to his scene with Emily.

“Emily. I took this journey to find love, and you are that love. I have fallen harder than I ever could have imagined and I need to be with you for the rest of my life.”

“Garth I – “ Emily hesitates. Garth looks like a puppy as he reaches for her hand. She catches her breath as their fingers intertwine. “I have felt things I never believed possible. I too have fallen completely in love.”

A smile breaks across Garth’s face and he drops to one knee, presenting her with a ring. “Will you be my bride?” She takes the whole box.

“No Garth. I can’t.” He’s shocked but she turns away from him, kicks her heels off and runs down the beach still clutching the jewelry box. She’s approaches a helicopter, its blades whirring. Adilyn is in the helicopter.

Emily screams, “Adilyn! Adilyn!” She sprints, closing the distance between her and the helicopter but it’s already taking off. Emily falls to her knees beneath it, still screaming Adilyn’s name she holds the open ring box above her head. “I love you Adilyn!”

Adilyn sees Emily down on the beach and her hand flies to the window. “Turn around!” She commands the pilot. “I have to go back!” The helicopter circles and lands. Adilyn leaps out and into Emily’s arms. Emily again falls to her knees and presents the ring to Adilyn.

“Adilyn, I have been in love with you since the moment we met. Through all these weeks you have been the best part of my day every day. I can’t bear the thought of leaving without you. Will you marry me?”

“Yes! Yes! I love you too!” Emily slides the ring on Adilyn’s finger. Adilyn pulls her up and they kiss. The credits roll.

Coming Out To Your Employer Or Co-Workers;

I’ve been in this situation for quite a while now, not knowing how to deal with it; should I come out? Will it led to being jobless? Judgements may be involved, people might think about it differently; In the end, who cares?

I completed my teaching course and decided to take on the lifestyle of a teacher here in China, one of the greatest decisions I made so far, then again; I didn’t quite think of the impact my sexuality may have on my job. It may not be the co-workers that’s the problem but the parents of the little souls you are teaching, some might be fine, some judgmental, some understanding and others will just go the easy way by either asking their money back or have a change in teachers; to be honest, I don’t really know the reaction because I haven’t been in that position.

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I started coming out towards my co-workers the day I found a real relationship, it wasn’t the easiest thing to do but also why be ashamed of your sexuality?

I will admit, its way more fun not having to hide things or always be extra careful of the words that comes out of that hole in your face, one wrong word could blow your whole cover, but also; isn’t it a relief? It only took me 10 seconds to be brave to come out of the closet, the outcome? Well, they say that depends on the people you tell it to, my outcome? It did not depend on the people I were around or told that I’m attracted to the same-sex but my mindset, I chose to be happy; to be the person I really want to be and be around people who make my journey so much lighter, it made it a little easier, not giving a damn what other people think.

That was the easy part comparing to coming out to your employer or even your students parents finding out, to admit I haven’t got there yet so I can’t tell you what happen or what will happen, so just always stay in the dark?

I’ve met a few Lalas in China; Teachers, Models, Designers even ones running their own business but I never came to the point of asking this simple question: “Does your school know you are Lesbian?” It’s always the same things, “How’s your kids?” “How’s work going?” “Your school okay with all your tattoos?” and so on. Continue reading

Page 5 of 365

If I have learned anything this year, it is that I won’t ever be ready for what life throws at me. I won’t have the right words when it comes; I won’t know what to choose when fate itself is staring me down. But now I know I don’t always need to have the right answer.

I’ve learned I can go on waiting for something, sustained by hope and nothing more – or I can put it aside and shrug my shoulders. Bravely accept the fact that I can’t keep my heart safe any more that I can stop love from taking everything from me.

I have learned to stop saying yes when I don’t mean it – to live as authentically as I know how. To allow the tips of my fingers to skirt to darkness, as long as I remember to keep my eyes fixed on the light. And as one door opens and another closes, because that’s how doors work, I will move forward with the knowledge that unlike so many others, I have another year ahead of me – another shot at making it all the way around the sun, and a chance to get it right this time around!

Find balance in your life. Word hard but don’t let work take over your life, you will lose yourself. Love, but love for the right reasons. Life is too short for anything mediocre ( although some say it’s the longest thing they ever experienced ). Know who you are and know that you are worthy of reaching your dreams and that it is never too late to start creating that life you have always dreamed of. Do not compare yourself to others, that’s just deadly. No two souls are the same. You are your own person, you are beautiful and you are unique. Put your trust in the universe. Some things are just meant to happen, and some are not. Let go of whatever is stealing your happiness, it’s hard but it is worth it. Embrace change. Embrace life. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes you just need to breathe, trust and let go.

Don’t live the same year 74 times and call it life.

So , may the new year bring you an abundance of amazing opportunities, beautiful moments, and joyful experiences. May your positive actions & attitude inspire others. May you be brave enough to take on and overcome rewarding challenges. May you find yourself in high spirits & excellent health. May you love with all your heart and find peace in even the most turbulent of times. May the love you give always find it way back to you multiplied. And may you forever be filled with the hope & strength necessary to make your dreams a reality.

So here is 20 things to start doing:

  • Drink a lot of water and green tea.
  • Eat a big breakfast, average lunch, tiny dinner ( kidding, eat as much as you want ).
  • Eat fruits & vegetables ( they make some things taste good 😉 ).
  • Go for a walk / swim / bike ride.
  • Read a book or 10.
  • Go to bed earlier ( or not ).
  • Stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself and others.
  • Don’t dwell on the past, turn it into art.
  • Enjoy little things.
  • Do not judge or compare to others.
  • Begin yoga or meditation.
  • Do not put things off.
  • Avoid processed food ( well they are good ).
  • Stretch daily to increase flexibility ( we know what for ).
  • Listen to music.
  • Live in a t.i.d.y space.
  • Wear clothes that make you happy.
  • Throw away things you don’t need.
  • Remember that all the effort you are making now will pay off in the end.
  • GO OUTSIDE.

I already decided 2018 is going to be ridiculously amazing .

Happy new year 🎊

Lala-Break Up? : The 3 days rule

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A new year has arrived, 2018 is here finally, and probably there are few Lalas out there that are single or just went through a resent break up, I am here to tell you that you are not the only one in this world that has gone through this kind of situations, I just had a break up in fact I have had few break ups on my records, I am not expert, but I have being able to understand that this is (depending of how long the relationship was) an uneasy situation or a very difficult one. If you are experiencing a resent break up let me to introduce to you what I call the 3 days Rule  

¿What is the 3 days Rule? 

You may think I am crazy but I believe that the moment you it is clear that that special person won’t be with you anymore the first 3 days after that separation are the most important days and I am talking about hold your emotions and become all ice cold, throw away her clothes and delete her number. I am actually talking about taking 3 days to feel the pain, to let it all out, we are human beings and our emotions are something we cannot and shouldn’t repress, so, let it all go, eat that pizza, drink that beer, break that mirror, burn those photos, cry non stop, talk about it, call that friend and say all those bad words into the air, write that letter, run, swimming, don’t take a shower and do it for full three days.

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

 

Once the 3 days have passed, you will feel much better, so get up take take a shower, clean your room, delete everything from that person (one step at the time) re-organizer your furnitures, plan a night out with friends and I give you my word that will set the clock forward for you to move on.

I am sure you have heard so many different ways of how people deal with a break up and it is just fair to know that there is not truly set one rule but when you fill hurt there is only going forward.

And you, how do you deal with a Lala-Break up?

Let me know